I am in my first year of an AA program that I won't reveal the name of for obvious reasons, and I am deeply engaged in a sexual relationship with one of my female professors. We have so much smoking-hot, white-knuckle sex that it isn't even funny. I feel like I'll never be able to quell my passion for f$%#ing this woman, and that is what scares me. It won't be too much longer before I start clinicals, and none of my rotations are likely to be in the vicinity of my school. What is going to happen when I go away and it just "ends?" Is she simply going to accept that the torrid sex we had was nothing more than a fling? The problem is that she doesn't seem to recognize that what we have is nothing more than raw physicality; on the other hand, I realize this is exactly what we have.
Is she going to feel abandoned once I'm gone? What kind of a reaction from her is this going to cause? It's not like we can become official and live together during my clinicals since she has been married for a number of years. Obviously, her husband has no idea what is going on.
I don't even really know how this whole thing started to be honest. I used to go to her office to get clarification on my notes and reading material, and one clever joke or casual conversation topic just led to another. Then after explaining a concept, she would say, "Do you understand that pretty well?" and her eye contact would be unwavering. I would stare back into her beautiful eyes, and one day, I could just FEEL her lips and skin against mine and we both leaned in. We had sex for the first time in her office that day. Funny thing is, a round of interviews had just concluded earlier in the day.
And now, I don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm so deep into this that I feel like there's no way to dig myself out. Every day is the same -- class, sex, studying, eating, sometimes even more sex.
Oh man, what have I gotten myself into.......