Participants wanted for next years football five a side competition at BP. Codgers and Moaners 5 aside team ( half time crew) need as many players as possible to cover for all eventualities, including things like illnesses such as ingrowing toe nails, lack of bowel control, gout, and severe conjunctivitis and giddiness.
You will be required to fulfil a strenuous fitness program, which includes a ten yard sprint without aides from the bar (current times vary around 0. 23 seconds depending on who’s round it is) wheel chairs and walking sticks, if absolutely necessary have different penalties added to your time.
We currently have I believe 5 participants (sometimes). B.E. will be in charge of the subs, mainly because he threatens you with telling you about when he lived next door to Simon Stainrod (again)😁.
Our teams ethics are, if you can’t get the man go for the ball, anything above ground height kick it, and always get your retaliation in first.
Don’t feel concerned about injuring the opposition, there’s a hospital just over the road.
Applicants should be over the age of seventy, married and have a wife or partner that’s glad to get rid of you for an afternoon.
We are expecting many applications, so get a move on and send your applications to either Mr Chairman or lj, ASAP.
Thanks, Pegleg,
Manager, tactician, fitness coach, and club dietician.
Club sponsors, Stella beer and Hollands pies.