Somehow, Brandon Crap-for-Brains would find a way to spin it to make it Trump's fault.

--------------------------------------------------

Everyone In Chicago Shot Over The Weekend

The Chicago Police Department confirmed on Tuesday morning that every single resident of the city had been shot over the long holiday weekend.

According to officials, the shootings began on Friday evening and did not stop until 100 percent of the population had sustained at least one bullet wound. Hospital staff reported that waiting rooms were somewhat crowded as approximately 2.6 million people arrived at the same time to seek medical treatment.

"It was a busy few days," said police spokesperson Thomas Dewey while receiving medical treatment for a gunshot wound. "We generally expect a spike in activity during the warmer months, but the complete and total victimization of the entire municipal population was a bit higher than our internal projections."

City leaders noted that despite the massive injuries, public transit remained operational and municipal offices opened on time Tuesday morning. Residents were seen commuting to work with ice packs, slings, and various levels of bandages, ready to face the increased likelihood of being shot again.

At publishing time, Mayor Brandon Johnson urged citizens to remain calm and emphasized that the city was still entirely safe for tourism, provided visitors wear full body armor and avoid the corporate limits.

https://babylonbee.com/news/everyone-in-chicago-shot-over-the-weekend

--------------------------------------------------

Also......

Chuck Schumer Celebrates Memorial Day Alone As All Of Last Year's Guests Dead From E. Coli

"How was I supposed to know that serving raw meat was deadly?" neighbors heard Schumer saying as he stared sadly at his grill. "Eating burgers that way has never hurt me, and I've been doing it for years."

Officially, Schumer blamed his newfound loneliness on President Donald Trump and his healthcare policies. But deep inside his black heart lies a weeping child who desperately wishes he could turn the clock back and learn to cook hamburgers properly.