I'm physically worn out (because I simply can't sleep) and John has completley worn me down emotionally....

I know he's going thru hell. And I'm trying to be supportive as best I can.

BUT....

Every other sentence out of his mouth is "I'm sorry." There's NOTHING for him to be sorry for. I swear to God, he can walk from the living room to the kitchen and the 1st words out of his mouth are "I'm sorry." And I'm DONE with telling him "it's okay, there's nothing to be sorry for" over and Over and OVER again - literally dozens of times per day.

I know his sense of taste is all screwed up. He can't taste "sweet" anymore and anything that's supposed to be sweet, tastes "musty" instead. And he's super sensitive to salt so if I put any salt at all on anythign, he says it's "too salty" and won't eat it. I'm jugging recipes and trying to fix healthy'ish meals as best I can.

And then, he walks in with a freakin' bag of Fritos and eats the whole thing! WHAT ABOUT SALTINESS!?!? I thought he couldn't stand anything salty?!?!?!?!?!

Anything I try to do (folding clothes, washing dishes, cooking, watering plants), he's immediately up and whining that he needs a hug so that I can't get anything done. And if I dodge the hug, he stands in my way so again, I can't get anything done.

Yesterday, I yelled at him to just "get the hell out of the damn kitchen so I could fix his frickin' lunch" because no matter where I turned to get something, he was in the way... I feel awful for it but... I don't know what else to do!!!

And God forbid if I try to sit down... The second my butt hits a chair, I hear "can you get my eye drops," "I need you to look at something," "can you dab meds on a spot for me".... It's constant. I ask him before I even try to sit down & there's nothing but the minute I actually do it, he starts. And I don't get it... Why can't he put his own eye drops in??? Why do I have to dab the spots on his skin?? It's like he's intentionally helpless...

He keeps wanting to go to gun shops & buy more guns. I've told him I'm done with that for the time being because we can't get out & shoot the ones we've got. (We went to the range yesterday morning. I think I got off 3 shots & he shot maybe twice & then he was "too tired" so we came back home & then he slept for the next 2 hours.) Not to mention the cost and the fact that I'm trying to reel our budget in & optimize it, knowing what's coming in the future. Especially after paying off the Crosstrek and all the car repair & plumbing expenses this past month.

Every meal, he takes a bite or two and then starts "Don't take this wrong but...." it's either too "musty", too salty, or "tastes weird." I'm doing the best I can. I can't help that his sense of taste is screwed up but I try to accomodate it.

At night I can't sleep so I go to the living room and watch TV or read (usually until 1 or 2am) and he shows up several times, whining that "I just want to hold you." I've explained that I can't sleep & that laying there wide awake for HOURS is just plain miserable. But that's what he wants anyway. And he won't let me read or watch TV in the bedroom because he says it keeps him awake.

Y'all, I'm just worn out. And it's getting to me. I've tried explaining to him that in the grand scheme of things, the side effects he's dealing with are pretty MINOR compared to ones others are experiencing on the same med. He doesn't have sores & blisters in his mouth. He doesn't have sores & blisters on his feet. He doesn't have running sores on pressure points. He doesn't have uncontrollable diarrhea & vomiting.

He DOES have extreme fatigue, skin rash/folliculitis, and the afore-mentioned issues with taste. Overall, that's not so bad.

And it's certainly better than he'd be without the meds (aka: DYING RAPIDLY).

I just don't know how to get thru to him....