Wow! Sis! As if on queue! Your are about the 7th person that have communicated asking about me. Phoebe it is so nice of you to be thinking of me the way that you’ve have. I was talking to Cheryl Williams on the phone yesterday, and she told me her brother had asked about me, and I haven’t seen him in about 15 years. She told me that she asked him what made you think about her, and he said he just thought of me at that moment. I spoke to Madeleine Ervin today, and she had told me a former classmate of ours, Kennedy Grace had asked about me, and I haven’t’ seen him in about 35 years. First thing I said to them both, to please make sure you tell them to pray for me because you know the saying, when someone is on your heart heavy, pray for them first and foremost. I ran into one of my friends in San Diego when I first got back, and the first thing he did was cry when he saw me. I was like dang dude, is it that bad? I’m hoping that those tears are the tears of joy, or you are going to make me cry. LOL. Then he told me he was never letting me out of his sight. Too funny.
The Lord must have really put me on your heart. You have also been on my mind for a while as well. I kept telling myself, as soon as things settle down for me, I will definitely get back to what I do best. I am just about there. And….. I do know that saying by the old folks, and let me say we both are going to live a long time.
You know Phoebe, Throughout all of the overwhelming things I’ve endured over these last 3 years, Law school has gone very well for me. I’ve completed my studies and plan to take my exam in a couple of months. Right now…I am “relaxing” so to speak to contemplate the next phase in my life. You know things like; do I work for someone else again, do I continue to work for myself, do I continue to teach, Do I move to another state and practice, Do I stay or do I go. Do I get married again, do I travel the islands again. You know the usual everyday choices we make in life when one is making a new, wait…correction…. another…. transition in their mid-life. Lol. OK I lied about the married part. However, it did cross my mind, briefly, may I add. LOL.
I had to cut off communication (Facebook, Big Ten, Friends, and Visitations, Traveling) for a minute. But rests assure I will be back posting again before you all know it. Taking care of my sister and making major decisions for her, like placing her on Kidney Dialysis and her having no idea the decision’s I’ve made for her (hardest thing in my life to do),working, traveling back and forth to L.A. on an everyday basis, therapy, school, studying, double financial obligations, doesn’t leave much for anything else. But let me say that what I’ve experience these last 3 years living in Inglewood has truly been a trying of my faith. The first week I moved to L.A I met this brother, and I told him my reason for being in L.A, and the first thing he shared with me, was how hard it was going to be for me in taking care of a sick family member. I didn’t believe him at first, but after a year, I realize he was not lying. Wasn’t easy. Let me just say that I thank God for putting good people in my way. I befriended one of my doctors, who became a very good friend of mine over the years while living in L.A. When every time I told him my aches and pains he was right on it. Ordering EKG, MRI, Echo-grams, CT Scans, and everything else he felt necessary. That was indeed a blessing. It all tied intot he way I was eating. Terribly. It surely helped me eat right. Had to give up energy drinks, and coffee (down to ½ cup a day). Started exercising, working out, walking every single day 4-5 miles a day). Drop some pounds, and feel much better. When I moved back to San Diego, I had to let him go. Its gonna be hard to replace him.
You know what they say; God doesn’t give you anything that you cannot bare. And let me be the first to say that the power of God is mightier then anything anyone could ever imagine. To start, my stay in Inglewood has been “Total Hell.” No Joke! The financial obligation in taking care of my sister was not a problem, because working for myself made it easy in that aspect. But the dealing with people that does not give regards to anyone else but themselves has been my struggle. The paths I’ve crossed or shall I say the path(s) that had crossed me has been quite overwhelming. Oh wait. I think I’m putting that mildly. Overwhelming is an understatement. My stay in Inglewood has been quite challenging, to say the least. My sister needed me, I was there, and I don’t think I could have done it any other way. I believe the hardest part was having to make life or death decision for her, (on my own) and not being sure if they were the right ones. As time went on, I realize I did the right thing. How I know. When I arrived in Inglewood, I went from stuck up (without anyone ever getting to know who I am as a person), to bougie (again people not knowing how my work never ends), to… in 2 1/2 years… You the bomb Lelia! Everybody likes you. (I’m like what changed! I’m still me. Don’t’ get it). Thus, they telling me how they watch me bring my sister back to life and how bless she really is to have me in her life. You know I always thought that is what families do, they take care of each other in time of need. I guess people have to see results before they can give you a stamp of approval, or at least say hello. Now with that being said, those very same people want to kick it, want me to come over, come to my house, hang out, go out, help them with paperwork, give them jobs, pay their internet service. Girl, I can’t even kick it like that. I will never get out from under that mess. It will be never ending! You know I’ve lived on that street for 2 ½ years and never knew anyone’s name or basically anything about them, and not to say that I cared. Not to be mean. But let me say they definitely knew about me, and would walk up to me and tell me my own business. They knew when I left, when I came back, how long I’ve been gone, who visited me, Which briefcase I carried that day, (not to mentioned what they thought was in it), when I was going to work, vs. school, what outfit I wore that day, what time I empty the trash. It got ridiculous. Girl it got so bad, I had to park my car down the street just to keep from running into them. Its hard to do, when they are always looking out the window, all hours of the night waiting for you to return. And….Don’t let me walk across the street to get a burger. I hear, “I seen you the other day sitting at the hamburger joint talking to somebody.” I’m like really! Somebody got to much time on they hand to be watching me all of the time, because I will be the first to tell you my life is pretty much boring right now. I mentioned it to my sister, and I told her I don’t think I can take too much of this. She told me, you never know who is watching, so make sure you pray when you walk out of the door. Now that scared me to pieces. Not a good state to be in when you are a private person. I think my only solitude was immersing myself into my studies, and parking my car and riding the train back to San Diego to either meet clients or attend classes. I have to admit I’ve met some very interesting people on the train. Then there were those who see you are press for time, having deadlines and want to sit next to you and want to talk all the way to the very end. Now that is frustrating. It never fails. But overall, the majority of the people you meet have some very interesting stories. I have to share some of the stories some day. You know I find that if people are comfortable with you, they will share things that many times will benefit you in ways you never knew. One will be surprise.
I left L.A. in the fall of last year, because I needed my life back, and too, I was so home sick. I came back briefly in January to move my sister out of L.A. to San Diego with me. That was one of the hardest fights in my life. In the beginning before moving her to San Diego she gave me every reason in the book why she could not move to San Diego. Now since her move, she loves it. I think while in L.A. each time I walked out of the door she worried about me. I had to tell her, girl stop tripping. If I can make it in Compton, I can make it anywhere. Trust me.
Now we cant have the good without the bad. The worse thing I’ve experienced living in Inglewood (and this is in a nutshell) is that some people do not know how to keep their hands/person to themselves. Man….. Phoebe I have been violated in ways if one was to see it for themselves they would not believe it. I’ve experience some “STUFF” that right now, I don’t feel too comfortable talking about it on this board but I will say this one last episode, it sent me over the edge and packing rather quickly back to San Diego. I’m like dang…can I just to this here. You know minding my own business, without fools trying to trip. It took me a while to share with someone what I’ve experienced over the years, and let me say that one day, my friend, a big ten apache, called me to tell me he was in San Diego and asked me how I was adjusting to Los Angeles after being gone for so long. When I told him what I’ve experienced, first thing he said to me, (which I resent) was where were you when “that” happen to you, and the second was Jerlilia “Let me pray for you.” Now the latter part I open with an open heart, but the first part, kind of set me back a minute. I said to myself why is that when a women is violated in any kind of way, It’s always something the woman did. I don’t understand that part. Pissed me off really…Too be honest about it. I am surprise he didn’t ask me what I was wearing that day. Insane! You know, I don’t think he really understood that what I was telling him was a serious offense by any one’s standard. To tell you how offensive some these acts were. I was standing waiting for the metro, and this young brother, walked up to me and we started talking. Before you know it, we were swapping stories, and this one story he had told me, which I wont repeat, I practically fell backward. When I told him a story that happens to me, he just walked away from me, literally. He could not believe it. Of course he came back to share more, but let me say that the story he told me I thought was bad, but apparently my story was worse. I wouldn’t wish what I experience over these years on my worse enemies. Truly.
Overall, the majority of my stay has been superb. The majority of the people have always and I mean always been so kind to me. I don’t care where I’m at in Los Angeles, people would come up to me talk, share, laugh, or invite me places. I could be in the grocery store squeezing tomatoes or thumbing watermelons (like I know what I’m doing), sitting at Starbucks, McDonald, Kaiser, train, taking my daily walk (many times they would join me), it didn’t matter they would come up, sit down and just share. Now you know I’ve been away to long, and also just to be clear, the Blacks in San Diego are not hospitable at all. Just so you know. However, the city being so incredibly gorgeous makes it that much easier to deal with them. Everywhere I would go, people would just approach me and talk. It got to the point my sister would get so mad at me and tell me that everywhere we go people always coming up to you. She would tell me she hated going places with me, because somebody is always stopping us, talking about something. I’m like girl you tripping. You of all people should know people in Los Angeles are kind like this. Just so I would not hear her mouth I would bring books to read, and make sure I did not make eye contact, and lo and behold, somebody will always approach. Too Funny. This is what I love about Los Angeles. How personal the people are. This is the L.A. I know and love.
In short, Sis, this will give you a logiest as to why I had to cut off communications for a while. OVERWHELM!!!!! I had to stop carrying my personal phone for a while, it got to be too much. Through the Grace of God I made it through, and still doing what I love, despite what I have to contend with. Thank you Phoebe for keeping me on your heart, which is why I love you too pieces.
I will be back on the board posting, and reactivating my Facebook Account soon. Just needs to tighten up lose ends, and enjoy myself being back “HOME.”
Love you much and More Sis!
Thank You!
Jerlilia
FFL
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