I actually understand what you mean when you say it works because you want it to work. When I was first starting out in the discipline world, and held more of a bottom mindset, I was very careful about never "over-bratting." (Being a brat isn't really me anyway...and not saying there's anything wrong with bratting. It's just a personality trait whether you engage comfortably that way or not.) The reason I was so careful was because it's almost like training in reverse -- if you want a top to keep spanking, you have to give them reason to believe spanking works. If them spanking me resulted in undesirable responses, why would they want to repeat it?
I'm obviously not talking about spanking just for the heck of it, or for made up reasons, play, etc. I'm talking about spanking with the intention of achieving a certain goal, whether that be punishment, release of guilt, closure, etc. And I agree with what you said about engaging in that kind of behavior modification requiring lots of understanding and negotiation. When I agreed to top someone, I knew I was taking on an intimate relationship, albeit not a romantic one. I was there to be a friend, to encourage, to advise, and to listen, as much as to spank.
In general I don't believe in spanking as a tool for handling RL problems. However if it's part of a whole relationship that is a sort of mentoring, then it can have its place. (Lots of caveats here: only for certain issues, with certain personality types, etc.) But of course that's just my opinion. Thanks for sharing that, Emma. It was very interesting!
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