: Aunt Shirley
: A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an
: assignment: Get their parents to tell them a
: story with a moral at the end of it. The
: next day the kids came back and one by one
: began to tell their stories.
: Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and
: we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time
: we were taking our eggs to market in a
: basket on the front seat of the car when we
: hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs
: went flying and broke and made a mess and
: the moral of the story is,
: 'Don't put all your eggs in one
: "Very good," said the teacher.
: Next little Sarah raised her hand and said,
: "Our family are farmers too. But we
: raise chickens for the meat market. One day
: we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched
: we only got ten live chicks, and the moral
: to this story is "Don't count your
: chickens before they're hatched'."
: "That was a fine story Sarah. Michael,
: do you have a story to share?"
: "Yes. My daddy told me this story about
: my Aunt Shirley. Aunt Shirley was a flight
: engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her
: plane got hit. She had to bail out over
: enemy territory and all she had was a bottle
: of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She
: drank the whiskey on the way down so it
: wouldn't break and then she landed right in
: the middle of 100 enemy troops.
: She killed seventy of them with the machine
: gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she
: killed twenty more with the machete until
: the blade broke. And then she killed the
: last ten with her bare hands."
: "Good heavens" said the horrified
: teacher, "What kind of moral did your
: daddy tell you from that horrible
: "Stay the hell away from Aunt Shirley
: when she's been drinking."