I must send my thanks for the forwarded email about rat poop in the glue on
envelopes. I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing. Also, I am now compelled to scrub the top of every can of soda for
the same reason.
Because of all the forwarded email:
1. I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

2. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 3,630,214,756 angels
looking out for me.
3. I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like an old
Water buffalo on a hot day.

4. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to
seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

5. I no longer pump gas without looking over my shoulder to watch out for a
serial killer who may crawl into my back seat.

6. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

7. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

8. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

9. I can't use any toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is
lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it crawls up my butt.

10. I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it
probably was placed there by some sicko waiting to take my picture with a
cell phone camera when I bend over.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician.

Have a wonderful day!

By the way, a South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy
study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual
activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late! **