The IRS decided to audit Jim, and summoned
him to the regional IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Jim shows up with his attorney. The
auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Jim. "How about a
demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Jim says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Jim removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Jim
says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other
eye."
The auditor can tell Jim isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Jim removes
his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes
he has wagered and lost three grand, with Jim's attorney as a witness. He
starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Jim asks. "I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees
again.
Jim stands beside the desk and . . . . .although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win. But Jim's attorney moans and puts his head in
his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Jim told me he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he
could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that
you'd be happy about it."