So sorry you are going thru all of this. Your post brought back memories I had of my breast cancer 17 yrs. ago. I remember staring at myself the night before and the night after my bilateral mast. I did not think I was going to deal with all of it. But, after time, I realized my scars reminded me of how hard I worked to get to the point and how lucky I was to have come thru it all and still be here 17 yrs. later. Now I look at the scars and marvel at the journey and the skill of my plastic surgeon that was able to give back to me what a disease took away. Give yourself time to adjust to all of this and try to have patience with the whole process. I can assure you there is life after breast cancer because I and so many others are living proof of that.