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Drowning His Sorrows <<
Bell Ronan again, lad

Can someone put Jack Grealish back in the England squad? Instead of a night on the pitch with the lads in Latvia in the pissing rain, Jack was drowning his sorrows in Dubai.

Last Sunday he rocked up in McGettigans, Jumeirah Lake Towers (a chain Irish bar in a bland expat suburb - think O’Neils Kingston-upon-Thames or Kennedys Altringham) just after opening. And proceeded to stay there all day drinking.

Jack was absolutely lovely to all concerned. Taking selfies, playing with kids, holding people’s babies. He even paid for everyone around him in the pub to have a roast dinner. At one point, he also tried to video call Ronan Keating, who he considers “a best mate”.

Eventually the pints were too much for such an elite athlete, and Jack started to snooze. Someone called one of the local celeb fixers - a big English bloke called Bill - who turned up and got the footballer home. His girlfriend must have been delighted.

(FYI Ronan, if youre reading this, did Jack manage to get through - our DMs are open and confidential)