ultimately, it's about giving people help when they need it. if my personal prejudice stands in the way of someone giving me that help, then that's on me, not them. however, reasonable accommodations can and should be made.
having said that, i'm well aware that i'm operating from the privileged position of being male and not a traumatised abuse survivor. as far as i'm aware, though, most shelters do have systems in place to help deal with that sort of situation sensibly so i do think the whole argument is a manufactured straw man and this culture war bullshit has to stop on all fronts, not just this one.
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