He's after something more than a travel card
Has been for ages
He now sits off upstairs waiting to knock the wrong door
You've noticed mate
The late night calls getting hung up
The flowers you never ordered turning up
The constant playing of YMCA from upstairs
The Ikea catalogues with dick pics inserted
Only one way through this mate
You know it
I know it
This board knows it
Laurence llewelyn Volvo upstairs knows it
Invest in a one bedroom flat on the silwood estate in south bermindsey. Tell swede Caroline you've got a big job that needs his hands all over it and tell him you've booked first class tickets over there- with a private tour of Ikea Croydon sorted where you will give him a hot dog he's never had before.
When he arrives at the location a swift lump hammer to the rear cranium will out lover boy a kip faster than an Alan titchmarsh talk on swallow migration
Standard tie up procedure to follow- paper suit spray of diesel and cable ties in a room with headphones projecting white noise.
Here is your chance. Your moment. Everyone who said you used to look like one of the banana splits will feel the wrath.
3 x 2 minutes of blunt force trauma concentrating on the extremities should do it. Gag in place go down deptford bridge for a pint sod it try the paradise lounge or the marquis of Granby in new cross.
Return and fire up the chip pan for a good old fashioned burning. Use his guns n roses snudw zippo and make sure the flat goes up quicker than an anorexic on a seesaw.
Then back to Sweden invigorated by the taste smell and sound of this madness. He won't be trying to make the bears with two backs with a computer whizz again.
Alternatively just meet up get the card and thank him for his honesty- a book token is a good option.