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On whom? nt
Here’s your match report for the 239th Merseyside derby on Wednesday…..
Everton 0-4 Liverpool
Fans in fine defiant voice, visiting Reds hold up a witty banner they daubed on their Nan’s best white bedsheet. Everton hold their own for the first ten minutes before a sideways pass from Michael Keane is mis-controlled by Iwobi allowing the Reds to break and score. They add a second before halftime as a back-peddling Everton defence get in each other’s way without making anything resembling a tackle. Reds fans in full voice singing Benítez’s name and giving a fine rendition of “Ring of Fire” in memory of Istanbul. The mood in the ground is toxic. The manager brings on Rondón and Davies.
Second half Everton have a man sent off, probably Richarlison, who makes a rash challenge in frustration. Doucouré will pick up a second yellow as we get swamped in midfield, injuring himself in the process and will miss the next ten games. Liverpool pass the ball around for fun, adding two more goals without breaking a sweat. At the final whistle any fans left in the stadium boo while Coleman thumps his chest and argues with some auld lad in the Park End. Jürgen Klopp’s grin will be so wide the shine from his teeth will blind Allan who’ll miss the rest of the season.
Post match Benítez will say the team played as well as can be expected considering the financial constraints he’s under and that youth players weren’t given a run out as they’re ‘not ready’. That if you saw the team in training their intensity is fine and that things are actually okay. Coleman will come out and say that the players are hurting and he understands the fans frustrations and that everything will be okay. Moshiri, Kenwright and Brands will say #### all, they have their patsy manager in place to take the blame for years of mismanagement and financial squandering.
Everyone on social media will lose the plot, Benítez will get all the blame, the players and board will get a free ride. There’ll be an announcement that blind newts in the lake in Stanley Park are to be provided Blue framed glasses by EiTC and a video of a delivery of Blue hi-vis Christmas safety jackets to the workers at Bramley Moore dock. The social media team will post a picture of Jean-Philippe Gbamin in training and hoping to be ready to return to the first team squad sometime in the next six months, just like a new signing.
Meanwhile Evertonians will drag their sorry arses to work, school or whatever and face the jeers and sneers of people who suddenly remembered they are massive Reds, while simultaneously struggling to name five of their first team players. Even fans of other teams will pass comment, and you’ll shrug it off with an “Everton aren’t we”. You’ll remind yourself that Everton used to be good once, used to show some fight and the fans are in the main good eggs who like a beer or twenty. You’ll console yourself that things can only get better, cos they can’t get much worse. But you won’t be able to rationalise how or when this’ll happen. Benítez may or may not get fired, nobody will care. You’ll know for sure there is no contingency plan in place. Big Dunc will get a few games before Neil Warnock gets the gig. You’ll get into a heated online argument that Die Hard is/isn’t the ultimate holiday movie, depending on your stance. Merry ####ing Christmas…..
Prove me wrong Everton, you cursed spineless shithouses. Like Jimmy Savile, hiding behind the veil of charity work while at the same time rotten to the core and in need of setting on fire and being erased from existence never to be spoken of again.
Yes, I am THAT Jonas.