His feelings of shame and embarrassment are what most people feel who struggle with this condition.
The condition is prevalent i.e. he is not the only one by a long way. On our workshops we have dealt with over 500 people of all ages and backgrounds, and we feel that is the tip of the iceberg. We have helped probably the same number via the web and email.
Women are affected as well, so it not a male thing: it is a human thing. Men say they feel less of a man because of it, but we tell them: we cant say to a woman: does it make you feel less of a man?!
People affected are not inadequate: among those 500 have been: a surgeon, a physician, architects, policemen, judge, commercial pilots, a fighter pilot (yes really), chief executives, etc. One group looked at each other and exclaimed that if anyone came in the room, they would think it was a rugby team.
The question is how to engage with him in a way that wont cause him to clam up. What follows is a possible sequence of steps for you to use, but not all at once! You would have to check he is OK with a statement before moving on.
"Apparently there is a charity dedicated to shy bladder, run by people who have or have got over shy bladder (in the hope that it might lift it from a personal failing to what must be acceptable if there is a charity for it).
All sorts of people, even a fighter pilot! (i.e. a man's man can get it).
It is a specific social anxiety, like stage fright (in the hope that stage fright gives an acceptable reason for it).
Cos its like stage fright, you can get over it so long as you get help from guys who have been there before. (cross fingers that this may sound acceptable compared to "therapy" from someone who does not know what shy bladder is).
The guys in the charity run weekend workshops that let you move at your own pace, and you dont have to do anything you dont want to do.
Past participants say the workshops are amazingly helpful.
They even help people who struggle to pee at home when visitors come round.
So what do you think? Get back to me with your thoughts and questions. If you prefer, do it via the email address at the top of this page.
If you email me your address, I can send you our glossy brochure, again in the hope that it will validate the condition to him.
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