Babylon B: U.S. Ski Team Awarded Gold Medal 4 Synchronized Screaming Abt Trump
Posted by osklister on February 10, 2026, 17:07:11
U.S. Ski Team Awarded Gold Medal For Synchronized Screaming About Trump
MILANO — The United States Ski Team showed exceptional teamwork this week, as they secured victory in the Synchronized Screaming About Trump event, just barely beating out Iran to win the gold.
Synchronized Screaming About Trump made its Olympics debut this year, modified from its summer counterpart to incorporate skiing in formation down the slope of Valletta Mountain while loudly complaining over the roar of the wind about the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces.
"Trump is a racist!" screamed American freestyle skier Hunter Hess as he raced down the slope, carving out the image of a peace symbol in the fresh powder.
"Our team has worked hard to really hate Trump in preparation for the event. Lots of late nights watching Jimmy Kimmel while running the slaloms," said skier Chris Lillis. "Looks like all that hard work has finally paid off."
With the event in the bag and the ski team moving on to other events, some expected Trump-hating to take a backseat to representing the United States for the duration of the games. But, according to the U.S. team, those people would be wrong. "We hate America so much that we're going to throw every single event just to make Trump cry like a baby," Hess said while crying like a baby.
At publishing time, President Trump had revoked the citizenship of the U.S. Ski Team.
Bad Bunny broke down barriers at this year's Super Bowl by putting on a show that only 15% of the viewing audience could understand, which has people wondering how the NFL will follow it up.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of the leading candidates for next year's Super Bowl halftime show.
Ricky Ricardo: A Latin-flavored act that all demographics will love.
The lucky occupant of seat 35J section 52: They might be terrible, but we'd all tune in to see.
The Von Trapp Family Singers: Escaping over the Alps reportedly gave them unbelievable vocal stamina.
The Max Rebo Band: Featuring the beautiful vocalizations of Sy Snootles (but not the guy from the Special Edition).
Relient K: "We should get jerseys, 'cause we make a good team, but yours would look better than mine, 'cause you're outta my league." Perfection.
Dave Ramsey: It'll be electrifying to hear him lecture everyone in attendance about how much they spent on their Super Bowl tickets.
The California Raisins: A throwback to when America was a real country.
The Village People, featuring dancing by President Donald J. Trump: The ratings would be YUGE. Everyone says so.
Marco Rubio: He does everything else. Why not one more job?
on February 10, 2026, 17:07:11