deuce-ish

deuce-ish
[ deuce-ish ]

Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)

Posted by Potomac on June 21, 2025, 10:22:28

This kind of story gets repeated a lot, and I've seen it enough in advice columns. Sometimes the concerns are real, if the grandparents are out-of-it or reckless. Good friends of ours are wonderful people, with it, and were wonderful parents when their kids were around.

One of their offspring is married with a kid of about two years old. The parents will not allow the grandparents to be alone with the child unless one of them is also there. Well, it's the daughter-in-law, really. The son is in a tough spot. The grandparents are sad and hurt.

The parents now have newborn #2. Will things change?

My daughter and her husband were more like, "Sure, take her!" (Or them, when the second came along.)

What has been your own experience?

The Mrs. and I were blessed

Posted by DFPS on June 23, 2025, 11:39:26, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

That her parents lived so close to us and were willing to help out when they could. My kids are 20 and 17, and because of the relationship they built at a young age, they will regularly visit their grandpa. We do not have to prompt them. They will head down and visit him on a whim. It does help that he has the pool and it is 100 degrees right now.

Previous Message

My parents love watching our kids.

Posted by Figs on June 23, 2025, 11:25:21, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

Sadly, with my dads health issues, I don't want to burden them so it's usually just limited to a couple hours here and there when my dad is feeling up to it.

My MIL comes over to our house to watch the kids a couple of times a year. She smokes in her house, so we don't really want to expose the kids to that.

My FIL has never watched our kids either at our house or at his. I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to it, but my wife and him have had a bit of an up and down relationship over the years, so I don't think she is really interested in that.

Previous Message

“the intensity of a conviction that a hypothesis is true has no bearing over whether it is true or not.” - Peter Medawar

Not the first time I've heard of grandkids being used as a weapon, won't be the last. *

Posted by osklister on June 22, 2025, 22:10:39, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

Ugly but true. :-/

What I would have given to have grandparents that could babysit so often!

Posted by Learning_and_Labor on June 21, 2025, 17:21:58, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

I have great relationships with my parents and my in laws. But that never extended to any significant help with my kids. Of the 4 of them my father in law was the most giving in that regard. He did actually spend several nights in a row at our house with one of my kids so we could go somewhere, which I’ll be eternally grateful for. But the distance made it impossible to be a regular thing.

I will not let my children lack this support when they have children.

Previous Message

I’m curious if she’s this way with her own parents, or just her husband’s?

Posted by kokomojo on June 21, 2025, 13:56:55, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

If the former, maybe her parents are whacko and not trustworthy and by extension she thinks his might be too. That would be unfortunate. If the latter, then to villain’s point, they need to talk to their son, he needs to wear the pants, tactfully set his wife straight on how the extended family dynamics work and that he trusts his parents completely. If I was his parents I’d push back, and cut my daughter in law off entirely. Grandpa don’t play.

But I have daughters, although no grandkids just yet, I really don’t see it being an issue. They often visited their grandparents, as well as aunts and uncles, so they’re comfortable with the village dynamic.

agree 100% with the cutting off.

Posted by villain on June 21, 2025, 15:02:11, in reply to "I’m curious if she’s this way with her own parents, or just her husband’s?"
Stupidhead

I'm planning for significant support of my kids as they transition into adulthood and then support of my grandkids as well. I want to give them the very best leg up in life....equity is for losers.

But that support would all go on pause / out the door in Potomac's scenario.

probably just another real jerk in life

you would really hope it's pause; you would never want to give up*

Posted by Potomac on June 21, 2025, 15:15:56, in reply to "agree 100% with the cutting off."

Previous Message

Absolutely *

Posted by villain on June 21, 2025, 16:04:21, in reply to "you would really hope it's pause; you would never want to give up*"
Stupidhead

Previous Message

probably just another real jerk in life

If my Daughter In Law was a cunt like that I'd let my son know in private

Posted by villain on June 21, 2025, 13:42:44, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"
Stupidhead

that his wife is a cunt and that he needs to take control in the relationship....but I'm also not raising liberal weakling twats for sons, so I don't anticipate this ever happening.

This example is disappointing to hear about, but it likely isn't out of the blue. Somewhere along the line the parents failed the son in becoming an actual confident and upstanding man, and now that is coming home to roost since the son has taken up with a liberal clown.

Teach your boys to be men. Teach your boys to be confident. Teach your boys to be leaders. Take them to church. Make sure they understand the true teachings and advice of the bible. Teach (model it if you are the their mother) what a strong woman actual is. Curate an environment where your boys interact with good young Christian women with like minded parents.

Do this and your boys will find the right women to marry and there will never be a stray thought of the value of grandparents / extended family helping the upbringing of the next generations.

Put in the foundation up front and this issue won't be a problem.

probably just another real jerk in life

In-laws are watching our 5 year old tonight

Posted by WesMantooth on June 21, 2025, 13:41:56, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

Unsure if he’s spending the night ( he wants to but in laws may not want him overnight). He’s also going to be spending 14 nights in a row at their Lakehouse with them starting tomorrow night (although my wife will be there every night and I’ll be there for 4 of the overnights).

He’s got day camp Monday-Friday and Mon-Thursday the next 2 weeks though 10 mins from their house so it won’t be constant madness.

My parents live in FL but they will watch him for several hours so I can play a round of golf. They’re also going to watch him for 4 days in early August at our house before he starts Kindergarden.

Can’t imagine not being able to let his grandparents watch him for a few hours unsupervised.

Tonight we made rez for a steakhouse and paying with costco giftcards ‼️

Love free babysitting 1-2 nights a month.

Previous Message

Uneducated Redneck Piece of Shit

My kids are only 11 and 9, but the Villainess and I have already discussed and agreed that

Posted by villain on June 21, 2025, 13:50:28, in reply to "In-laws are watching our 5 year old tonight"
Stupidhead

if our boys move away, we'll have a home wherever they go and will be there to help support them as they build their families in the future.

Friday night babysitting, Sunday family dinners, weekends with the grandkids when the boys want to get away with their wives....along with all of the grandkids games/plays/practies/etc.

I truly don't understand the absent grandparents that I hear about so often. I also kind of despise them to be honest. My parents have been gone 3 and 10 years now and one of the few things I ever get emotional about is that they are no longer here to see my boys grow up. They were very present while there were here, but unfortunately didn't get the time they deserved with my boys.

If you are a grandparent that doesn't put in the time with your grandkids, I think you are a piece of shit.

Previous Message

probably just another real jerk in life

To be fair, your boys aren’t even dating yet, let alone married with kids

Posted by kokomojo on June 21, 2025, 14:02:50, in reply to "My kids are only 11 and 9, but the Villainess and I have already discussed and agreed that "

They will each marry a woman who is an equal partner in the relationship, and in matters of kids and the home front maybe even has more sway, as in the case of the above mentioned cunt. You won’t have a say in who they marry and whether they share your values. They may fall hard for the poontang and you might end up with a psycho daughter-in-law. You just never know.

they could surprise dear old dad and marry a progressive!*

Posted by Potomac on June 21, 2025, 15:18:05, in reply to "To be fair, your boys aren’t even dating yet, let alone married with kids"

Previous Message

I see preparing my kids to marry the right girl in the same light as preparing them to

Posted by villain on June 21, 2025, 14:58:50, in reply to "To be fair, your boys aren’t even dating yet, let alone married with kids"
Stupidhead

succeed in school, sports, and life in general. I'm not failing on any of those fronts.

Too many parents ignore having relevant conversations / preparing for success and they just hope for the best. I'm an involved parent and I talk with my boys about everything.

Previous Message

probably just another real jerk in life

That’s great, and you’ll likely have more positive influence than a hands off parent

Posted by kokomojo on June 22, 2025, 13:43:11, in reply to "I see preparing my kids to marry the right girl in the same light as preparing them to "

but just remember, you’re not with them 24/7, they’ll meet girls at school that you’re not as involved with, and sometimes hormones take over rational thinking. We’ve all had crushes and broken hearts. There’s many a Romeo & Juliet story where the harder the parents try to keep them apart the harder they want to be together, to the point of doing dumb shit.
But hopefully yours grow up to be level headed.

My kid has one bio-grandparent and 4 adoptive grandparent.

Posted by AceFrehley on June 21, 2025, 12:31:47, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

All of which live in Illinois. Thus making casual visits impossible. We’ve often thought of sending him there in the summer or over a break but sports has always prevented that.

My in-laws aren’t super helpful. I have a better relationship with them…

Posted by haighter on June 21, 2025, 12:15:19, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"
Boo Haighter

Than either of their daughters, but the triggers aren’t there for me.

I’m fine with them watching the kids but it always comes with so many conditions it often just isn’t worth it from our perspective. They’re gonna drop by today for a short visit but my son won’t be there and we’ll probably not see them again for a few months.

Previous Message

Both of our children are more than happy to go to grandma and grandpa's.

Posted by GAIllini on June 21, 2025, 11:31:27, in reply to "Grandparents not allowed to be alone with grandchild (sad story)"

And like most kids, they are better behaved when they aren't around their parents.

I'm glad we don't have that situation.

Are? Or were? *

Posted by AceFrehley on June 21, 2025, 12:14:05, in reply to "Both of our children are more than happy to go to grandma and grandpa's."

Previous Message

And like most kids, they are better behaved when they aren't around their parents.

I'm glad we don't have that situation.

To be clear

Posted by AceFrehley on June 21, 2025, 12:14:36, in reply to "Are? Or were? *"

Aren’t your children adult age now?

Yes, I left out some important words. our children are and

Posted by GAIllini on June 21, 2025, 17:10:05, in reply to "To be clear"

always have been glad to let us have the grandchildren and the grandchildren are glad to come. We've been expecting the oldest grandchild (soon to be 17) to have better things to do, but even he likes to get away from Mom and Dad for a while and of course their parents appreciate the break too.

Ok. That makes sense *

Posted by AceFrehley on June 21, 2025, 20:41:12, in reply to "Yes, I left out some important words. our children are and "

Previous Message

« Back to index

175

[ deuce-ish ]