Luton Outlaws - The Avenue of Evil

A serious post

Posted by Nick NBH User icon on 30/7/2026, 21:51:22

Some of you may or maybe not be aware that i received possibly one of the worst phone calls you can have when I was at work just over 3 weeks ago. A call to say my Dad was dying. I didnt make it to the hospital in time. As it turned out had I managed to teleport there it would have been too late - he was gone before the calls were made.

I`m grateful in a lot of ways. I had a Dad for over 50 years. He had metastatic prostate cancer . Pneumonia got him in the end . Unexpectedly. But we didnt have to see the final stages of cancer eat him up at least. Plus he hated the the winter - i never knew...he loved his sunshine and spent his final few days lapping it up.

I`m actually coping a lot better than I thought i would. Thinsg to do . work. notifications. Helping my mum with finances etc. No idea if its my brains way of denying things or not. Logical part of my brain analyses flashbacks to that tuesday and tells them to fuck off. Maybe some can relate. Maybe some cant`.

Why am I telling a bunch of mainly strangers? I dont know. I don`t know if it will properly hit me at some point or if my brain has actually prepared itself someway, knowing it was inevitable but not knowing the timings.

Basically everyone i think will deal in their own way. There is no right or wrong way. Think the important thing is I have lots of offers of advice if i need from people. Some at work who have bee through this 20 years younger than me. Don`t be afraid to talk. Don`t be afraid not to feel you have to. I`m not after sympathy - but to encourage anyone else who has been or will go through this to talk if you need to.

Re: A serious post

Posted by bodger1 User icon on 31/7/2026, 22:48:03, in reply to "A serious post"

That’s sad.

Best wishes.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Godders User icon on 31/7/2026, 15:53:41, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry to hear this Nick. It's really rubbish losing your dad.

Thoughts, condolences, and prayers.

Live justly, love mercy, perpetuate generosity, walk humbly.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Whhatter User icon on 31/7/2026, 12:37:58, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry to hear this Nick.

RIP to your dad, and my condolences to you and your family.

Re: A serious post

Posted by MVhatter User icon on 31/7/2026, 11:46:15, in reply to "A serious post"

condolences on your loss Nick, like you I missed my father's passing but seeing him look so peaceful made me feel he didn't suffer. Its great you were close to your dad when often people aren't.
This place, for all it's many faults is perfect for posting "my Dad's gone and I miss him"

Re: A serious post

Posted by Zobra The Greek User icon on 31/7/2026, 10:00:23, in reply to "A serious post"

Condolences Nick

Re: A serious post

Posted by Round Green Hatter User icon on 31/7/2026, 9:40:10, in reply to "A serious post"

I'm really sorry for your loss, I lost my father at 13 and always regret never getting to know him properly. He brought me to my first game in the early 90's.

RIP to your Dad.

Re: A serious post

Posted by RGDave User icon on 31/7/2026, 9:22:53, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry for your loss, Nick. May he rest in peace.

Re: A serious post

Posted by J Block OAP User icon on 31/7/2026, 9:12:50, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry for your loss Nick. Like you,I didn't get to the hospital in time for my Mum. I felt terrible about this but a friend said to me, " you did a lot for her when she was alive and saw her regularly". And where possible, distance permitting, that is what I'd encourage everyone to do. Go and see them, talk about when they were younger, find out about family history. It doesn't make their passing any easier but helps over time with fond memories.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Camavinga User icon on 31/7/2026, 7:15:59, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry to hear that.

We all have to be better visiting our elderly family more often.

It’s a corny saying,but a true one “time is a healer” it’s tough for a month or so then it will get easier. Never forgotten and you carry your dad/memories in your heart.

All the best Nick.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Buzzard User icon on 31/7/2026, 7:01:29, in reply to "A serious post"

Ahhh shit.

Best wishes and RIP your dad.

Tough times

Re: A serious post

Posted by Jake User icon on 31/7/2026, 6:47:45, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry for your loss mate.
I lost my Mum 3 years ago , she was my only parent so a big loss.
I didn't mourn the way I thought I might and questioned my feelings.
But came to realise we are all different in that respect.
I found the biggest help was talking about her , using her quotes etc.
It also keeps them alive in a sense.

Wish you all the best through this tough time.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Garstang Hatter User icon on 31/7/2026, 6:42:38, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry for your loss, but glad you are able to open up and talk about it - think that's really important and healthy.

I've heard good things about something called The Bereavement Journey, in case that is something that might be helpful at some point:

https://www.thebereavementjourney.org/

It's run by churches but only the final, optional, session is faith-based so it is for anyone. And I think there is an online option, as well.

But as you say, people will deal with these things in their own way, so the important thing is to figure out what works for you - and keep talking!

Re: A serious post

Posted by Fife Hatter User icon on 31/7/2026, 5:55:22, in reply to "A serious post"
Come on England

Keep going mate, never easy, I drove from Scotland to Bucks 26 years ago and just made it to see him but he wasn't really him.
Keep the fond memories

Re: A serious post

Posted by MG User icon on 31/7/2026, 0:01:29, in reply to "A serious post"

Really sorry to hear this Nick, it's one of the hardest things.

And don't worry about how you're coping, it's different every time for everyone ad it's not a straight line to the end.

But you'll get there.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Voice of reason User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:26:14, in reply to "A serious post"

Can only echo what people have been saying. It’s never easy to lose a parent. Remember everything good about him and your relationship and give thanks for it. I hope he passed peacefully. Carry forward his heritage and be as good as he was. May he rest peacefully.

Re: A serious post

Posted by EastEnder User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:19:01, in reply to "A serious post"

Take care, mate, it's not easy but hold on to all the good memories.

Re: A serious post

Posted by m User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:15:42, in reply to "A serious post"

I’m so sorry for your loss. Just got to keep going for Mum. I lost my Dad 30 years ago. First year isn’t always great, birthdays , Father’s Day etc. get past that and it becomes easier with time.
You’re probably right.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Poster from the past User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:13:46, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry for your loss Nick. Sounds like you are doing all the right things to cope with it in your own way which is of course the right way. I take my hat off to you for being able to put it so succinctly and whether you want it or not sending you love through the ether mate. All the best 🧡🧡🧡

outlaws is not the barometer of sanity. You're either Luton full tilt or you are nothing. We have spunked way too much money on shite. The end.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Alien Nate User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:12:28, in reply to "A serious post"

As you say, everyone deals with loss in their own way. I suspect although you feel you are dealing with it quite well, it will catch you at times when you least expect it. Don't worry about crying, it is natural. Look after mum as she has a large empty space in her world.
Nothing wrong with strangers. We are all detached and so can look at things with less emotion.
You are lucky to have been aware of what was happening. It gave you the chance to hug with meaning. Sorry if I am waffling.

?si=_j4lnXJBY0u6cJGF

Some young lazy slut has charmed away my brains

Re: A serious post

Posted by Luss Pierre User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:08:02, in reply to "A serious post"

My Dad took me to my first Luton match in 1965. Madly, he had a refrigeration job to do at a depot near Lincoln in Dec 66. We went to the 8-1 hammering. Lost him 4 years this November. Still not cried, only emotion is anger, that he left us. Miss his advice and absolute Scottish tightness. Passed on to my eldest.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Alien Nate User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:18:31, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

When you get the chance, get on the Lomond shore and tell him. Then smile at yourself for blaming him. He will be smiling somewhere.

Some young lazy slut has charmed away my brains

Re: A serious post

Posted by Luss Pierre User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:31:32, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

Been a few times since. The little wooden pier at Luss. Thanks AN 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Re: A serious post

Posted by Alien Nate User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:35:54, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

🥃

Some young lazy slut has charmed away my brains

Re: A serious post

Posted by Nick NBH User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:16:06, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

He was sort of responsible for me being a Luton fan. Even if he wasn`t a football fan himself. My sisters decided they fancied gary linker post 1990. My dad knew Roger Smith (then vice chairman) so he got directors box tickets. I went along as a neutral. I was a neutral during the match (0-0 - dreyer missed a pen). I found myself follwing results on ceefax. It doen`t` take much does it?

Re: A serious post

Posted by Alien Nate User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:20:28, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

👽

Some young lazy slut has charmed away my brains

Re: A serious post

Posted by Carling User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:03:08, in reply to "A serious post"

Sorry to read this.
You are telling mostly strangers because that is your way to offload and deal with it. A lot of individuals have come on here and done the same, through ill health, personal losses, job insecurity, relationship problems, financial woes. In between all the daft messages, squabbles, moaning we get these real life stories that realign the good this board can do through just sharing and words of comfort in reply to make people feel a little better.
My condolences to your father.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Nick NBH User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:18:23, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

I think that may be a lot of it tbh. Maybe a shared experience that everyone deals with differently. who knows?

Re: A serious post

Posted by HH User icon on 30/7/2026, 21:56:17, in reply to "A serious post"

Really sorry for your loss.

That's a thoughtful post and I think a lot of people will relate to what you've said. Look after yourself and your mum.

Thoughts are with you and your family. 🧡

Re: A serious post

Posted by jimmyp User icon on 30/7/2026, 21:56:13, in reply to "A serious post"

That's a serious post, alright and probably not a bad start at a bit of catharsis.

It sounds like you will miss him horribly and it sounds, in the best way, like you should. It will get easier and the same memories that make you cry in the short term are probably the ones that will make you laugh in the long. Although, sometimes they'll probably still make you cry.

All the best.

COYH, Jim

Re: A serious post

Posted by Nick NBH User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:24:40, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

I gave the celebrant a few words (ok this is me an essay) to incorporate or not in the service. They were rando thoughts and mini stories. I did think that really it should be my job to deliver at epitaph. But the thought a celebrant can do it..and its better she does - i dont want to start a chain reaction of emotions among the family. Being practical gets you through so far - exactly as he would have been. He didnt like black ties at funerals. Funeral director said they can swao to yellow..... my mum said "you can wear a yellow tie cant you" - i had to explain in the funeral directors why i cant! Yellow flowers, ties for the staff fine..me no chance!

Re: A serious post

Posted by Nearly a Genius User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:22:41, in reply to "Re: A serious post"
Legend of Outlaws

Sorry for your loss, Nick, and that you didn't get there in time.

(((())))

I wasn't able to get to my dad in time, either.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Nick NBH User icon on 30/7/2026, 23:23:53, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

There was never getting there in time. Despite y cursing roadworks, wrong turns, asking work colleagues none too subtlety to het their car out the way O id di apologise and was told literally nothing to apologise for) . He was gone before we got the call. I just happened to be nearest. Get there. frantically try and find the department. Got told by someone eventually calm down or i w ill be in a bed next to him. Get told my the nurse. inform sisters in a somewhat brutal manner and dont tell mum as she didnt know until she got there. Wait for my mum before going to see him, I walked out after a glimpse as as knew anythin i saw would be a memory i could dit without. One glimpse was enough.

Then you have the funeral directors "do you want to visit him". Erm no fucking chance. I`m sure they would do a good job but i`d rather living memories than dead thankyou! Thats without the practical questions - curtain ope or closed? er closed. If he has any metal do you want to keep it - er i dont think he has..but no

Re: A serious post

Posted by Gut City Hatter User icon on 31/7/2026, 11:04:14, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

Very sorry for your loss.

My Dad went almost 20 years ago, last time I saw him was with my family when we were over from Germany and visited
his care home. He was a withered and sad version of himself, and it upset me and the kids. Came back to the UK a few
weeks later for discussions with funeral directors, funeral service and burial of ashes.
All pretty upsetting, but friends and family helped enormously.

The funeral directors asked me if I wanted to see him in his coffin, but - like you - I said I wouldn't, as the memory
of a person when alive (even though not well) was better for me than a cold, dead body.

At the funeral service, my brother (who had come over from Australia) made a very good speech about Dad.
Although I am not religious, I read the bible passage from Ecclesiastes (the traditional, old version, "For everything,
there is a season..."), which formed the basis of the wonderful Byrds song. He had loved that when I read it a few years
before at my Mum's funeral.

Time does heal.

Re: A serious post

Posted by Since57 User icon on 30/7/2026, 22:22:22, in reply to "Re: A serious post"

Really sorry for your loss.

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