Create a massive ramp outside the ground and drive a monster truck emblazoned with anti-Premier league slogans right up it so it flies straight over ground, Dukes of Hazard style, dropping Toffos as it goes for the children of Burnley. It lands safely in the car park the other side to a huge round of applause. Driver gets out and asks "What were you worrried about?". Who is this mysterious daredevil Stig Santa?