We've made it repeatedly clear that 5G now exists in some kind of alternate reality, untethered from this complicated mortal plane. On one side, you've got telecom giants, hardware vendors, and some politicians busy pretending that 5G is a revolutionary game changer, something you just sprinkle around to create near Utopian smart cities, smart vehicles, and miracle cancer cures. On the other side, you've got an international cabal of conspiracy theorists with a head full of pudding, who think 5G gives them COVID or is a diabolical deep state, mind-surveillance tool.

While the "let's overhype 5G" set has quieted down some after data continues to show US 5G is largely underwhelming, the pudding-head conspiracy theorist side of the discussion has only accelerated. Some 5G conspiracy theorists have even been buying faraday-cage enclosed routers in the belief it protects them from 5G (despite the routers in question not even being wireless 5G). Worse, some have become violent in their delusions, whether that means burning down cell towers or setting dangerous traps for wireless technicians.

Just when you think 5G conspiracies have reached peak stupidity, somebody manages to raise the bar. Conspiracy theorists have long tried to claim that 5G caused COVID, or that COVID vaccines are part of some diabolical plan to track the public. Over in Italy, conspiracy theorists have been claiming that a tiny 5G-enabled microchip is being injected along with the COVID vaccine to spy on the public. Their proof? An engineering schematic for a guitar pedal, according to Mario Fusco, a senior software engineer at Redhat. The schematic appears to be for a Boss MT-2 Metal Zone guitar pedal, something all the references to "gain," "treble" and a footswitch should have made clear to even a nitwit.

The irony continues to be that 5G simply isn't interesting or important enough to warrant either the hype or the conspiratorial bullshit. It's largely a modest evolutionary step toward lower latency, faster, and more resilient networks. And there's plenty of evidence to suggest it's less powerful and safer than many existing 4G technologies.

It's funny, but it's not funny. While there's been no hard proof shared yet, it's believed that Nashville bomber may have targeted an AT&T building because he'd been hoodwinked by this kind of bullshit online. Worse perhaps, the conspiracies encourage doubt in the effectiveness of the vaccine, ensuring fewer take it, in turn ensuring the recovery from the virus take longer and is more brutal than necessary.