VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
It was in the wee hours of the morning that Nora found herself leaning her cheek against a porch post looking out upon the vast dark sea. Her hair and emotions were both tumbled by the wind that made the waves crash forebodingly onto the beach. The tide had crept closer to her tiny cottage. Still, while the winds and rising tides made her feel somewhat insecure, she couldn’t bring herself to go back inside to wrestle with her thoughts. Unfortunately, her thoughts followed her onto the porch.
What am I doing? I am losing my resolve. This was not in the plan.
Before she could delve any deeper into her thoughts, she heard the screen door squeak open and saw Bo close it gently behind him before she looked back out to the sea. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and leaned his head against hers.
“You alright?” he asked softly.
She glanced at him. “Mmhm. Just couldn’t sleep.”
They both looked out upon the tumbling waves a few moments before he continued.
“Something bothering you? It must be if you’re out here this time of night....what’s on your mind, Red?”
She didn’t answer.
After some silence, he moved to lean against the opposite porch post and pressed on. Hesitantly he asked, “Are you feeling...regret…about tonight?”
She turned to face him leaning her back against the post. After she collected her thoughts for a moment she said, “No,” giving him a hesitant smile. “I wanted to love you.”
“Well, that’s a relief...What is it, then?” he asked. “You’re scaring me.”
She struggled with where to begin...how to make him understand. Shaking her head slowly she said, “I’m just so scared, Bo. I’ve tried so hard to move on with my life...because it’s the best thing for Matthew. But...even though I traveled miles away...got a new job...new home...started a new life... it’s still here,” she said pointing to her heart, tears brimming in her eyes…this love I have for you...”
“And...loving me is a problem? Why, Red? I don’t understand…”
“Because...it’s not in the plan, Bo. I moved here to get away from my past life and build a life for my son. You see...my life is not about me anymore. It’s about Matthew...that little boy sleeping in there...my little boy. It’s all about him...making him feel happy and secure. I don’t want him to suffer for my mistakes.”
She stopped for a moment to collect her thoughts, then continued, “I left Llanview because I felt I was cheating Matthew. I was miserable over the mistakes I had made...the hurt I had caused you...the loss of you. I tried with Sam, but ended up hurting him too...and ultimately...through it all, I was hurting Matthew because...a miserable woman doesn’t make a very good mother. So I left it all behind...or tried to...so that I could concentrate on Matthew’s happiness. Now here I am again…”
“Miserable?” he asked. “The woman I spent time with today wasn’t miserable...she was vibrant and happy and loving.”
Nora looked at him. “Today was wonderful,” she agreed. The silence fell again.
Bo took a deep breath. “It hasn’t been easy for me either, Red. I’ve been miserable too. I tried to fill the void...made a lot of stupid mistakes...things I regret...but, I don’t want to stay miserable. I want to move on...with you...with us. I thought that’s what we were doing.”
“It isn’t that easy, Bo…”
“Why not? We love each other.” He paused before continuing, “Tonight has been perfect...hasn’t it? Spending time together...talking, dancing...making love. I thought it was perfect...all of it.” He swallowed hard. “I love you, Red...so much. I want to make this work.”
She bit her lip and looked down. “Bo...I think you’re trying really hard, but... the fact remains...Matthew is Sam’s. And eventually Sam will be a part of my life just because we’re parenting Matthew. I don’t mean romantically...that’s done...but, he will be entwined in our lives; and...frankly, I’m just not sure you can handle that. And then there’s Matthew...every time you look at him it will remind you of the past and of my mistake with Sam…”
Bo interrupted softly, “I don’t see Sam when I look at Matthew. I just see a sweet little boy...with his Mama’s brown eyes.”
She looked at him with tears glistening in her eyes, but she spoke firmly, “I can’t make a mistake that will hurt my son...that’s what I’m afraid of...making another mistake…”
“Red…” he whispered, “listen to me.” He looked at her intently. “We’re miserable without each other. We tried time apart...it didn’t work.” He paused. “What we have...we’ve said it before...it’s rare. Everything about us is rare. The way we love each other...as we did tonight...it’s more than just a physical bond for me...it’s heart, mind, and soul. I’ve never loved another woman the way I love you. Don’t you see? Throwing it all away would be more than a mistake. It would be...a tragedy. And Matthew...I’ve spent very little time with him, but...he’s getting a hold on my heart...like he had on my finger today when we were napping.” He smiled. “I’m not going to have a problem loving him...I’m starting to love him already. The best thing for Matthew would be to have parents who love him...and love each other...and we do, don’t we Red?”
“I do love you, Bo... I’m just saying that I’m no longer just me...I’m a package now, and you have to love the entire package...and probably put up with a lot to do so. You think you’re up for all that? It’s not always going to be easy…”
“It will be a lot easier than living without you,” he said softly. He stepped closer to her. Maggie and I had a talk when I was there recently...something she said really made me think. She told me I had to decide what I could live with...or live without...and, I realized...it’s too hard to live without you…” He shook his head. “I don’t want to live without you, Red. I love you…”
Tears fell onto her cheeks. “I love you too.”
He gathered her into his arms.
She wrapped her arms tightly around him. “I don’t want to live without you either. I want to make this work. So what I’m going to say is not meant to hurt you, but…” She hesitated a moment before going on. “You have to be in this for the long haul, Bo...I’m willing to risk my own heart, but not my son’s…”
“I can understand your fear...after I walked out on you before…that’s one of the regrets I mentioned earlier... the biggest mistake of my life.”
They looked at each other intently.
Finally she said, “It has to be for keeps this time...a commitment to make it work no matter what lies ahead…”
Bo nodded his head slowly in agreement and with a voice full of emotion said, “So...how do you feel about...forever?”
She laid her head on his shoulder. “Forever sounds perfect,” she whispered.
I will give you my heart faithful and true
And all the love it can hold, that's all I can do
...I've thought about how long I'll love you
And it's only fair that you know
Forever's as far as I'll go...
Forever's As Far As I'll Go by Alabama
Message Thread
« Back to index | View thread »