March 20th is John's birthday and we lost him on March 24th last year. So if I'm not around for awhile around those dates, just assume I'm curled up somewhere crying, drinking bourbon, and binge watching something (probably Supernatural since I have a whole lot of seasons left to go).

But IN THE MEANTIME, I think I'm starting to turn a corner on the grief front. Instead of thinking of everything in terms of "what do I have to do," I'm starting to think in terms of "what do I WANT to do." Example: I was at a craft fair this morning & bought myself a couple of pairs of earrings JUST BECAUSE I WANTED THEM.

Then I came home & started digging thru my jewelry boxes (don't ask - I am NOT a jewelry person but I've got all of mine from when I worked, all I inherited from my mom & aunt, AND a bunch that we inherited from John's mom) and trying on necklaces to go with the earrings.

And y'all, it felt FUN. It felt good. It felt FEMALE. And it made me feel pretty. It's been a long time since I felt any of that. Or even thought of jewelry except for my wedding ring & the necklace I wear ALWAYS with John's wedding ring and an infinity/eternity symbol.

So maybe, just maybe, if I can get thru this coming week, I'm ready to start on the next stage of healing. Don't ask me what that is but I'm definitely in a different place than I have been....