Major side effects to both the treatment he had in Houston as well as the new chemo. Much pain. Extreme nausea 24/7. He lost approx 8 lbs in just a week. And he's so weak he can barely walk across the room.

And on top of that, his arm got torn up breaking up Freddie & Sebastian the other night. Sebastian growled at Freddie. John scolded Sebastian. Sebastian saw Freddie walk into the room & growled again. Freddie thought he was growing at John and attacked.... And Freddie doesn't back off. He tried to reach in to grab Freddie and he nailed him.... I managed to get them apart by shoving the back of a kitchen chair in Freddie's face to shove him back while yelling at Sebastian to back off (which he did). That got Freddie enough in the open that John could grab him and literally THROW him out the front door.

Needless to say though, with him being immunosuppressed from the chemo, we headed straight to the doctor. They cleaned & bandaged it. Coudln't stitch because stitches & dog bites cause problems. And they had to report it to the health department which served us with a quanrantine order the next day.

I told ya, it's been BAD.

And emotionally he's given up. We had to run out to the farm to open the gate so the power company could replace some poles the other day & before we left, he just stood there looking out at the top field and crying.... I think he was saying goodbye. The same last night when he rode along with me to drop off a cake at the club. And he won't drive now - says he's just too weak. I found him out in his truck the other day, just sitting in the driver's seat and crying...

It tears me up. I don't know what to say because I can't lie and say everyithing is gonna be okay because its not. And I've known it a lot longer than he has.

We go to UK Tuesday to begin radiation on his hip. The cancer there has become "destructive" and has already eaten a hole in it. They're hoping to stop it with targeted radiation to keep the hip from being destroyed completely.

And he's in so much pain from his back... Has to take vicodin daily just to bear it. I'm hoping they can do radiation on it too once we get the hip taken care of.

As for me, I'm just trying to take one day at a time. But I find myself trying to figure out what I can wear for the funeral when the time comes. And what arrangements will be made. And how to manage staying here & keeping up with everything.

It's overwhelming. And sleep is a thing of the past. I go until I can't go any more and then collapse.

On the positive side, the new front porch steps are WONDERFUL. So much "shorter" than the old ones were so they're easier on both of us. And they're sturdy AND WE HAVE HAND RAILS. The kids are coming in tomorrow to try to devise a landing at the base of the steps made from pavers to tie into the existing concrete walk. We'll see how that turns out. I'm in favor of just slapping something together to get thru the winter - T wants to do it once & do it right.