First off if you are of a sensitive nature please do not read this. MODS if you think this is to much remove it, I'm OK with it being removed.
I'm not sure why I'm posting it? I guess I need help with processing this and I have no one no where to go?
Ok, so this is how it goes. My family are a little eccentric, there always things going on. I don't just mean my immediate family uncles. cousins the lot! This is a difficult time for many, Covid creeps in to our lives in many different ways. I'm not even sure this has much to do with Covid?

I'm going to start with the waaaay back when's, when I was a child. As an only child I spent most weekends and school holidays with my cousin's, well mostly Clare but Charlie on the times I stayed at my aunts which was every other weekend. I was the eldest then Clare a year or so younger and then Charlie a year or so younger than Clare. Clare and I loved to play Barbie's (yes, I know a shocker that) and Charlie would always try and join us. We of course would have none of it BUT we did let him make us furniture for our dolls, mostly out of match boxes. He made us all sorts of things. We would send in our orders and he would make the item for us. On Saturday or Sunday morning my aunt would always make pancakes, I remember us three kids arguing over who would get the first one.

As adults like a lot of people we moved in different directions and made our own lives. I still kept in contact with Clare and we would do Christmas cards and the odd FB chat.

Charlie got married and has two grown up children, he's a grandad now. Clare also has two adult children just starting out in the world.

Since Covid we have chatted a few times but everyone is locked in their own bubbles and the world has become very small for us all.

Then a few days ago Clare phoned me on my mobile, I hate my mobile! I live in a village and even in 2021 the reception goes in at out at will. She was crying and I knew something awful had happened. I feel so bad that I had to keep making her repeat what she was saying....but then what she was saying made very little sense. Charlie was dead!!!! I asked if it was Covid, she said he had killed himself! I still can't get it. He had a loving family, lots and LOTS of friends, he was still able to go to work in the place he had worked for 30 years. He had a nice home, a few days before he had been laughing and joking with his family???

Yes, he killed himself! He got a rope...he worked out a good place to do it...he drove to that place....he tied the rope around a peace of bridge and the other around his neck...and he jumped. He jumped and now he's dead. No note nothing... his family will never know why? We will never get to tell him good-bye...we will never get to tell him we loved him.....we will never see him again. He died...he killed himself....he put a rope around his neck and now he is gone!

There's more, Clare....Clare has lung cancer! I want to go to my cousin I need to give her a hug. Covid has stopped all that!