Lorraine Owsley was a cop you didn’t mess with. Way back when I posted stories on her, someone added the he was transporting a very unruly female prisoner to lockup. She heard the ruckus when he keyed the mic. She told him to pull over. Yes ma’am. She walked up, opened the car door. Reached in and bitch-slapped her to a pulp. Quiet the rest of the trip. Quite a woman.
I remember her calling Rick Roback and me to headquarters for an ass chewing because some kiosk woman inside the Glen Burnie Mall wanted to commend Rick and I for our good work on foot patrol inside the mall. Well hells bells… we made up fake names of “Mac and Meyer”. And the goof was too dumb to realize that was not true. She told Lorraine that Mac and Meyer were the nicest cops and doing a splendid job. Well, when she called us on the radio to respond to headquarters immediately!! I said Rick she is pissed! What did we do?? Well, the pucker factor was immense. Standing in front of her at attention, she said “ okay you two knuckleheads… who the hell is Mac and Meyer?? We looked at each other….went into histerical laughter…she was not laughing. After we composed ourselves and explained the whole story…she was laughing too. She said get the fxxk out of here. Next day we changed our names to “ Crunch and Munch.” If you remember that bagged caramel popcorn. Rick was a funny guy and all we did was eat, shop and flirt with the ladies. Left with bags of loot we bought in the mall. Rick bought shoes. Rick’s cancer that killed him was in the early stages then and affected his hearing. A whole ‘nother story with that. I could write a book on him. My next partner Mark Metzler was twice as funny. Especially when he and I had to transport a super stinky woman to Crownsville for evaluation. Middle of winter, windows down. I had a can of air freshener under the seat. Yes..we emptied it on her. Laughing sooo hard the dispatcher Billie thought we were in big trouble. She heard our feeble attempts to explain the reason for our unintelligible transmissions because we were laughing so hard. We took turns on the mic. No use. She called a signal 13 on us…which only exasperated the laughing. I had to find a pay phone to cancel the signal 13. The time before cell phones was a bitch. We had tears running down our faces and our legs. I have another book by Dick Ellwood. He compiled a 237 page titled “COP STORIES”. Pictures of it follows. Nice idea for a book.