Posted by John Timmons on 11/6/2003, 10:09 am
24.25.105.233
I am currently involved in a relationship with a girl that I think I truly love, but I am having a huge personal problem with both my own past sexual history and her's. I am 22 and she is 23. We graduated different high schools in the same school districts in different years. I have only been with 2 people before in my life. My very first girlfriend was a girl named Searle. I was in 10th grade, and we went out for a while, but I found out a few months after it happened that she had cheated on me and given her virginity to someone who I thought was one of my 2 best friends. I was devistated and we broke up on bad terms. They had both lied about it and hurt me. I was then involved with another girl who I gave my virginity to at the end of high school. Almost right after high school, I went to college, but right before I did, I started in a serious relationship with the beautiful and wonderful girlfriend that I currently have. We have now been seriously dating for more than 3 years. About six months after we started our relationship she revealed something to me that I just don't know how to deal with. Her sexual history. I found out that the year before we got together while she was a college freshman, she gave her virginity to the same person who took my first girlfriend Searle's virginity. It was heartbreaking. She also told me that over the year, she had been having self-esteem problems, and that she had been with 15 different guys, and that 8 of them were only a one time thing. I hated it at the time. I felt inadaquate for my lack of sexual encounters even thought the real reason was to save what I had left of myself for my wife. I really hated the news at the time, and she helped me a little by saying that it wasn't meant to hurt me and so on. I have been for 2 and a half years been dealing with this, but it was on the back burner until yesterday. We have been talking about our futures together and our likely marriage, but she told me yesterday that for some reason the doctor told her that she might not be able to have kids. This girl is beautiful, fun, and a good friend. She seems so perfect to me, but her past history has been battering me. I feel like she has given everything that she had away to somebody else. I just dont know how to deal with the fact that the same person took the virginity of both my first girlfriend, and possibly my future wife. I dont know how to deal with the fact that my near-perfect companion has shared herself with 15 others, and I just dont know how to deal with my Christian upbringings making the past history of such a great girlfriend so undesirable. I really think that I love her, and she is a great person, but my friends know her past and everything about her, and I just dont know if I can live with my wife having shared her body with everyone else and without even being able to have children, leaving nothing to share just with me. I really love her, but I just dont know what to do! Somebody please help me. I dont want to make a mistake. Please help me.
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