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Posted by The Other OTHER Operation Any the ways, welcome back! TOOO
on 3/17/2006, 5:35 pm, in reply to "My Story Thus Far"
69.169.140.206
Have you asked his brother Doug?
--Previous Message--
: Any of you blokes seen Dinsdale? I've
: been on the trail for ten years now,
: with precious little to show for it,
: apart from maybe syphilis and a tall
: stack of unpaid traffic tickets.
:
: But I'll submit for your kind spicely
: perusal an interim report on my
: progress thus far. All of us at Normco
: (r) are fully confident that we'll have
: Dinsdale located absolutely no later
: than June, 2076.
:
: THE SEARCH FOR DINSDALE
: The first ten years
:
: 1996 - Concentrating my search around
: the greater Luton area, I scoured all
: the places I thought it likely to find
: Dinsy - boys homes, rest stop
: bathrooms, drag revues, etc. Did nor
: find Dinsdale. Contracted several
: interesting diseases.
:
: 1997 - Acting on a tip given to me by a
: diminutive wombat named Charley, I
: chartered a junk to Malaysia. The
: one-eyed captain and I get into
: fisticuffs when I misunderstand the
: Malaysian phrase "Ma Suk Lot
: Kok"* to be an insult to Mrs.
: Norman. Am forced to blow up the junk,
: and spend the rest of the year
: swimming.
: *(actual meaning: “I found Malcolm
: Gladwell’s latest piece in the New
: Yorker highly provocative, if a bit
: over-wrought. How about you?”)
:
: 1998 - Visited Shanghai after hearing
: the Chinese were celebrating the
: "Year of the Hedgehog." Am
: thrice set upon by cleaver-clasping
: Chinamen hoping to cook up that rarest
: of delicacies, “General Tso’s
: Hedgehog.” Briefly consider blowing up
: China, but have neither the heart, nor
: the available ammunition, to finish the
: job properly. Blow up Korea instead.
: Frankly, they all look the same to me.
:
: 1999 - My return trip to Luton is
: delayed another year in a Orient, as a
: mysterious operative and a young
: Harrison Ford task me to venture deep
: into the jungle primeval to
: "terminate...with extreme
: prejudice" a mad Colonel gone
: native. Confronting my own demons as
: the journey progresses, I soon find
: myself trapped in an allegory for the
: conflict between civilization and human
: nature, and loathing metaphorical and
: allegorical diversions of all kind, am
: forced to blow up the boat. More
: swimming.
:
: 2000 – Returning to Luton via the
: States, I stop off in San Francisco to
: do a thorough search for Dinsdale in
: many of the interestingly-named bars in
: the Castro district. Hear a rumor from
: Lance and Bryce in the “party room” at
: Club Manhole that Dinsdale was spotted
: in Canada. Journey to Canada, though
: sheer boredom after two days there
: forces me to call off the search and
: decide “if Dinsdale is here, he can
: have it.”
:
: 2001 – Gin, mostly.
:
: 2002 – Hearing reports of men dressed
: as ladies, I travel to Rio in time for
: Carnival. I dance with a bare-chested
: Brazilian boy from the favela. He
: compliments me on my dancefloor
: prowess, telling me “You’re the bomb!”,
: and asks where I learned my moves. No
: sooner are the words “Oh, Samba’ed in
: Luton” out of my mouth than several CIA
: officers in black suits appear and
: whisk me away. Spend six months in
: Cuba being asked by highly persuasive
: men about who I know. Once a more
: thorough background check reveals that
: the only organization I’ve ever been a
: part of is a 1990-1997 stint in the
: Right Said Fred fan club, am released.
:
: 2003 – When an overly-vigorous
: masturbation session accidentally tears
: the space/time continuum, I take
: advantage of this rare rip in the
: fabric of the universe to travel to the
: Astral Plane of Lost Souls. Do nor
: find Dinsy, but find Elvis, Jim
: Morrison, Tupac, and the guy from the
: Manic Street Preachers, who explain
: that the Plane is really a hide-out for
: music stars who wanted to fake their
: own deaths, and that until I’d moved at
: least 100k units, I needed to “piss
: off, and get [my] poor, grubby ass off
: the imported leather couch.” More
: fisticuffs. Tupac? All talk. Punked
: like a b###h. Morrison,
: unsurprisingly, cries like a girl upon
: the first simple
: sledgehammer-to-the-gut. Elvis puts up
: a surprisingly good fight for a guy in
: a sequined jumpsuit, but not good
: enough to counter my flamethrower.
: Return to Earth. Finish up.
:
: 2004 – Climb a treacherous peak in the
: Hindu Kush to seek the advice of
: Arulanasanaranathanadanagranathanastanastan,
: the purported “all-seeing swami” (at
: least according to his website). Ask
: if he’s seen Dinsdale. Gives me a lot
: a crap about “seeing inside myself” and
: “the meaning of the journey is the
: journey itself,” so I blow him up. For
: the record, I don’t think he saw that
: coming.
:
: 2005 – Back in Luton once again, I
: reconsider the direction of my life,
: and decide to quit the search for
: Dinsdale and take back up my old life
: as a journeyman competitor on the
: professional canasta circuit. Find, to
: my dismay, that I no longer fit into my
: “canasta pants,” and am forced to call
: off my plans. Find Dinsdale’s Myspace
: page. Does not reveal his current
: location, but reveals membership in fan
: groups for most of the leading boy
: bands.
:
: 2006 - The search continues...and I
: promise you, my friends, that my
: burning passion to bring Dinsdale to
: justice - much like the burning
: sensation in my crotch - shall never
: waver, shall never abate, and shall
: never relent.
:
: Well, maybe just a little.
:
:
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