Posted by Mr B on 10/31/2009, 11:05 am, in reply to "Re: *Dialogue* of the Week"
92.239.46.74
My mother sent a package. Just full of crap as usual. I wish she wouldnt bother. The postage once again cost more than the stuff inside. Plus, these dumbasses didnt deliver it so I had to walk 20 miles away to the post office to collect it.
Anyway, she included a copy of the local littlel monthly city newspaper. I hate being reminded of that shit place. Its depressing.
Same with talking to her. She talks about such boring stuff. So and so is moving, some local folk were murdered, crime is rising, everybody speaks Spanish now, etc.
So lets take a look at this amateur newspaper.
Hey, theres an apartment for rent. Just one. Their classified section consists of one ad.
Two bedroom, one bathroom, first floor apartment. Washer/dryer in the basement. Landlord pays water, tenant pays gas/electric. $600/month. Thats not bad.
The local elementary school is now running TEFL classes. Call to enroll. Its free. Sweet.
"Experience FBC". The "X" is in a big stylised font and it turns out that "FBC" stands for "First Baptist Church"> You can also watch their services on Channel 62.
What a disturbing ad. Theyre trying to be down with the kids by using the "X" as in "extreme" and reducing the church name to initials. Yeah, worship Jesus to the extreme, hep cats. Some ####ing pagan church. You want to worship Jesus, do it properly and go to one of the many Catholic churches for ####s sake.
Adams Locksmith took out a big half-page ad. Trying to capitalise on the fear of crime.
A full ad for New Life Christian Church. I never even heard of this. Must be a new church. Has the Grinch sneaking away with a Christmas tree. Yeah, thats what you want to see in a place of worship. And some bizarre Seuss-inspired poem. Guess copyright violations arent a sin in this heretic church.
Crochet lessons start soon at the local community center. Man, its not even free. $35 for city residents, £40 for non-residents. And you have to bring your own G-hook. And only a limited supply of free yarn for beginners. Advanced students can bring their own projects and ask for advice on how to complete them by the experts.
Here's an absurd ad. Omni Auto sales. Theyre some really low-grade car dealer. "FREE Bears or Blackhawks Jersey* With Purchas Only, Car Purchase must be over $2,000"
I wrote thta exactly how it appears. Whats the asterisk for? There's no matching asterisk. And nice capitalisation. And its worded in a terrible fashion.
But the craziest thing is the promotion itself. Buy a car for at least £2,000 and we'll give you a $10 t-shirt of Chicago's football or hockey team? It doesnt make an ounce of sense.
Heres a column where a dude just lists loads of things that no longer are made or at least are popular. Lickable stamps, flash bulb cameras, pay phones, bottle caps that need an opener, etc. Dude must be in the early stages of dementia to think this piece of shit would be an interesting article. He doesnt even comment on any of them. Its just a laundry list of stuff. Its not funny or nostaligic. Just boring and puzzling.
Chili cook-off winners. Haha. That reminds me. I recently bought something called "Chili con carne with rice" from Waitrose.
In the US, its just called Chili. I remember telling Jo that I used to make a lot of chili when I was in the US. She said, "Oh right. Chili con carne". I said, "No. Its just 'chili' there. We don't eat it with rice for one thing."
Anyway, "con" in Spanish means "with". And "carne" means "rice". So Waitrose is selling "Chili with rice with rice". Stupid mother####ers who #### their mothers.
Heres an ad from Tony Hobson. He's an "investment advisor representative" and owns The Hobson Financial Group. He says:
Does 2-5% Higher Rates per year than CD's "interest" you?
Well...first of all, that's terrible grammar. Just badly constructed. The whole thing needs to be redone.
And as for "interest", at first I thought he was just misusing quotes. But then I got the pun. Pretty weak. Pretty really weak. I wouldnt get financial advice from this clown.
Heres some bullshit about how to make extra money. Apparently, if you go to this woman called Nancy over at the Treasures R Us store (copyright violation), she'll give you some Avon books that you then pass on to your friends. It only costs $10 to "start your own business"!
This is not an ad, by the way. This is an article. But the article is advertising. And what theyre advertising is a pyrmaid scheme. Nancy makes money off of the Avon books that you distribute and the $10 you give.
Its ####ing outrageous. How could they publish something like this? Nancy is obviously friends with somebody at the newspaper. Preying on the desperate and stupid in these difficult economic times. Yeah, sell Avon and you can be your own boss! Make a fortune for only $10! #### off Nancy, you disgusting parasitic b###h. And you too Kathleen Ulm for writing this shit.
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