So, supposedly I'm a survivor. I don't feel like it. So many are so proud and happy for me, amazed at how strong and positive I was, but...
I don't feel it at all. I'm sad, I'm lonely but not alone. I don't feel worthy of this "praise" at all. This feeling started a few weeks ago.
I was diagnosed end of Feb. Stage 1B. End of March I had a skin saving mastectomy, left side(tissue expander put in at same time) and 5 lymphs taken out.
After all tests, decision made to go on Tamoxifen and chemo/radiation not recommended. More risk to do so.
Had my TE switch and implant on my right side (was an "almost A so decided to go to a full B) about a week and half ago.
I thought now that it's pretty much over, I'd be ready to move forward and I'd be happy. I should be grateful I'm not doing chemo/rads. I don't. I feel like a fake almost. I don't feel like I deserve to be in any group of survivors. I should feel lucky, I don't.
I'm worried I'm depressed and have read about this happening after cancer and also a side effect of the tamoxifen.
I'm really not too sure what I'm trying to say....just reaching out which you can probably tell I'm not to good at doing from this note. I don't know how to tell my fam or friends. It's so stupid. I should be grateful and all I feel is pity and disgust for myself.
I'm going to ty the Effexor with the tamoxifen, here that might help but am looking for emotional support as well.