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Posted by sandye on June 14, 2016, 11:04 pm
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Hi i posted in another part of this forum. I just need some feed back. I have been remission for 14 years since 27. And i always had it in back of my head that something like this may happen. But i have been living life happy and putting it in the very back of my head. Even if I have had aches and pains or out of breath ( mostly because of my panic disorder) never wanted to know! Thought, if it comes just let me live til I start feeling really sick and reach out for help. I feel fine ! But ever since that fine needle aspiration I have had a living nightmare cause of my mind being sooo unhealthy < and that is sooo bad to live every day with. What I'm trying to say and weird is that I dont even think I wanted to find this lump. It happened two weeks ago when I was waiting for my breats MRI. Since the mamos that i get the results are like in an hour even though that is torture but the breast mri and because i have implants take like 3 days . So being paranoid I decided to relax and enjoy my new apartment with my fiance I just moved in and go relax and tan in back yard . So I grabbed tanning oil and after applying on body my remaining i had in my hand decided to put on my neck ( like never I touched that area ). Sooooo, waiting for the mri <<<<<< wowo< what is this lump ???? Wtf !!!!..... Nice help waiting and finding a mysterious lump now on my freaking clavicle area.... anywas i call my breast surgeon and his nurse tells me " come over"!. While i'm on the way to the hospital jessica calls me " hey everything is negative in your breast mri ' , thanks jessica but now I just felt a lump by my clavicle """"!!!! So to make a longer story shorter , I was in that cold lifeless room waiting for my FNA then after the pathologist comes in with the chief pathologist that i saw in 2002 , I knew something wasnt right ! So they stated they saw atypical abnormal cells blah blah ,,, they were even saying where and strangely they look like maybe even suggested another cancer like lymphoma !... they said came unconclusive but higly concerned. I felt like running anf running when they wanted to poke me again. Not the freakin life I want to live . Yes, maybe sounds selfish to myself but I was ok before this, did i want to reallly distraught myself . I suffer from bipolar , anxiety and severe depresion on top of this and am on dissabilty and I take meds. I have of course upped on my anxiety pills because have been very sensitive to the other meds that have given me alot of crazy side effects. Well memeorial weekend came and my birthday and I was miserable cause I had to wait and wait for further testing. It became a week after and they didnt call me and i didnt call thinking positive maybe it was nothing. I finally called week after because my mom and fiance and family was still concerned and i started feelimg lump still there. Breast surgeon said yes we think you shoulf remove ( she said strange it is not her2 or er or pr positive but showing mamamry cells and shows gata 3 and even she was confused. she has said it was strange that it didnt match my other bc ??? Ran to my oncologist and he was like how did you find this little thing not even i would have found it lol, but he set me up with his general surgeon friend to remove and that is what i'm waiting to do full diisection !!! but i've gotten myself ready and been searching and hoping for new meds if this is a strangely a tnbc...I went on you tube yesterday and patients that had put their stories there scared me the most. Sorry to make this such a loooong story and my typos but im nervous.... If there is any feed back I'll highly appreciate it. My first time arond , The only best help was from ladies that have gone through this . Its sooo mush family or friends or even licensed psychologist i see weekly can really help..
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