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Posted by M. on November 10, 2009, 5:00 pm
Hi everyone,
I'm not a survivor, so I'm not sure if I should be posting, but my family has received so much support on this site, I thought I'd express my concerns here.
My mother is a breast cancer survivor and I've done regular self exams since her diagnosis. I'm 31 now and last month found a lump for the first time. It was biopsied and was found to be benign. Just one month later, I've found a lump in my other breast, underneath the nipple (the other was lower). My doc is hopeful it's a cyst and I'm hopeful too. But, of course, worries persist. My sonogram is Friday.
I marvel at how you women do it, just keep on keeping on after a diagnosis. I haven't even had a cancer diagnosis (not yet anyway) and I feel like there's a time bomb inside me. I wonder, if I just have lumpy breasts, how many biopsies I might need to go through?
My husband and I have been trying to conceive our first child for over a year now and I'm worried, too, about the effect fertility drugs could be having on me. Yet, I'm already at higher breast cancer risk for waiting so long to have children, so I may need to just take them and hope for the best.
Anyway, I feel kind of selfish as I write. I know that many of you have bigger things you're struggling with. But I wonder how you all deal with not knowing. Do you just get immune to it over time? I am hoping that if I ever do get sick, I'll somehow find the courage that I see in the women who post here. With how I'm reacting to these lumps, I'm somehow doubting how courageous I would be.
Thanks for listening,
M.
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