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Posted by Jefner on September 23, 2009, 1:14 pm, in reply to "new"
Greetings Katema! First off, I am so happy to hear that you are healthy and well after going through treatment. And we are happy to have you here with us on the site.
I lost my mom to endometrial cancer at the end of 2007. I was a primary caretaker to her during her journey through surgery and treatment, and with her when she passed over on December 29th - a moment I will never forget - both a blessing and a "curse" as it was/is so painful. After going through a nearly four year journey with her I was stunned to my core to find out just over a year after her death that I had breast cancer - 35 years old, no family history of BC. I used to think to myself "In what world does someone who just watched someone she loves die of cancer turn around and get cancer herself." It seemed such a cruel fate to me. And yet, I know this kind of thing happens to people all the time. I think of my sister, too - her husband has been battling cancer since 2000, and of course, she lost our mom, too, and now her sister (Me! - one of her best friends in the world) has cancer too. It's touch stuff.
Once cancer touches your life - through your own diagnosis, or the diagnosis of a loved one - you start to feel like it will follow you the rest of your life. I am currently in the midst of treatment and ironically I'm not really worried about my health now, but I know when I'm done with chemo and radiation, when the dust has settled and life quiets down then I will be battling to manage the worry of "what if" again.
Ultimately I come back to the mantra of "one day at a time" - we all know that feeling of "quiet overwhelming" that you mention, we all have those days we travel down the deep, dark hole of despair, but then, we pull overselves together and push forward.
Sounds like you are surviving and dare I say somedays even thriving?! I, like you, am surrounded by the love of those who've gone before me, like my dear parents. And I draw much strength from the wonderful women here. I'll say again, I'm so happy you've found us and hope you, too, find what you need!
Sending much love and positive energy your way - In sisterhood, Jenni
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