[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by Sari on October 28, 2009, 10:29 pm, in reply to "Re: How I started"
Thank you for your kind thoughts and the invitatio nto explain my emotions when I "smoked" my first cigarette.
The excitement is, perhaps, the easiest to explain. For some time I had wanted to try smoking. My friends at university smoked and obviously enjoyed it. Until that point in time my upbringing had always acted as a brake, preventing me from taking the first step. Away from home (and parents ) the opportunity to try smoking was arose and the thought of smoking for the first time was exciting and liberating.
My other feelings are not so easy to explain. Why was I confused? At home I had always been warned about the dangers of smoking, drinking and taking drugs, yet here I was trying something which I knew could damage my health and which would not meet with my parents approval.
The apprehension and nervousness had a number of causes. How would the smoke affect me? Would I like it?(perhaps the most worrying aspect, what if I did not like it?). How would people react to me smoking? Would they be shocked? The most worrying aspect was how my parents would react if and when they found out that I had started to smoke.
Until this point in time I had a reputation of being a "goody goody" girl. I did not indulge in activities which would cause my parents anxiety or result in my developing a "bad" reputation. Hence, that first cigarette caused a conflicting set of emotions which had to be overcome.
I hope this account explains my emotional state, if I may I would like to describe how my smoking progressed in another posting. Sari
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