[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by Sari on October 20, 2009, 9:23 pm
It is coming up to my first anniversary as a smoker (October 31st) and having just read vesperaes' account of how she began to smoke reminded me of the feelings I had when I first tried a cigarette.
I was very much a "goody goody" at school (alas my skin colour prevents me from describing myself as Snow White!), and did not drink or smoke.Some of my friends started whilst I was at school and although the desire to try was there, the fear of parental disapproval always prevented me.
In october of 2008 I started university. I "teamed up" with 2 girls doing the same course as myself, both smokers. When we were out together, I would watch them regularly smoke their cigarettes and longed to join them only to be prevented by my own reservations.
Last Halloween, we attended a party at the local Rugby club. As intervals, my 2 friends would go outside to smoke. After 2 or 3 smoking breaks, I joined them outside and watched enviously as they lit their cigarettes. With my heart racing I asked one of my frinds if I could try one of her cigarettes. Her response was not of surprise as I had expected merely "of course". She questioned me about my experience of smoking which was nil, then explained how I should start, "no inhaling just try it to see if you like the taste". Nervously, I took the cigarette she offered and held the end to the flame of her lighter. A little drag got the cigarette lit and for the first time I was standing there beside my friends with an all white cigarette between my fingers. The feelings I had were confusing, excitement, nervousness and apprehension.
This was my first smoking experience and one which I repeated more and more frequently over the coming weeks. My "goody goody" image was gone, I had become a smoker, something which I then realised I had wanted to become for a long time.
This is the first time I have described how I started, I hope readers here do not find it to boring but I have wanted to tell my full story for a long time. Sari
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