[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by vesperae
on June 8, 2009, 9:31 pm, in reply to "Re: Guilty Pleasure…"
You might want to stop rubbing catnip on your nose. 
"I felt a feeling I've only ever felt as strongly in my dreams, it's not the damage, it's the gradual and repeated doing of it."
What is it about the "gradual and repeated" nature of smoking that freaks you out / turns you on? Is it the idea of the smoker doing it to herself? The idea of it being done to the smoker? Both?
And when you think about the accumulated effects of smoking, what else do you think about and what do you feel? Isn't this part and parcel of the idea of "gradual and repeated"?
"The feeling of guilt, I think came from the fact that I was awake at the time,"
Sleeping dreams and daydreams come from the same place; the only difference is obviously that you have more conscious control over your daydreams than you do over the dreams you have while asleep.
But that's the beauty and value of looking into our dreams and fantasies, because dreams and fantasies reveal the most raw and honest perspective on how we really, really feel about ourselves, those around us, and the world we live in. The important thing to keep in mind is that dreams and fantasies often act as a psychological release valve, and just because we have a certain thought or a certain dream doesn't mean that we would necessarily want to have that thought or dream actually happen in reality.
In fact, I believe that it is actually very healthy to recognize and confront our Darker thoughts, dreams, and fantasies, because once you've done this, the line between fantasy and reality becomes much clearer, and you can greatly increase your ability to control and eliminate your guilt over having them.
What we think and feel doesn't make us "Bad" people, even if what we think and feel might occasionally be mildly to extremely Dark in nature. (How many of us would be locked up if thinking about hurting someone else was a crime? And how reasonable would it be if we could somehow do this?) How we act on what we think and feel is all that can ever be reasonably used to evaluate ourselves, IMHO.
I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on your reaction to M G F's message, since I know for a fact that there are a lot of other readers here who share your mixed feelings.
Cheers Nick! 
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