[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by closetfascination
on March 30, 2009, 4:49 pm, in reply to "Odd thought before sleeping"
Great question! I think I am with you- the first time I tried smoking was partly curiosity/ partly going along with the group to drive someone else mad.
I didn't inhale the first puff- it didn't taste as awful as I had imagined and I think subsequent "trying" was to fulfill my curiosity of what the whole experience would be like.
Step 1 - I found out it didn't taste as awful, even though I still found second hand smoke offensive.
Step 2- I discovered inhaling felt surprisingly good- I finally understood why people would continue to smoke
Step 3- Find out what smoking a whole cigarette feels like- this was an epic fail on my part. I took it much too fast and made myself sick and this is where I ask myself why did I try it again? Because within a couple of months I was trying it again...
I think part of it- is that I honestly loved watching the smoke leave my body, knowing that it was inside me. I finally found the missing journal that documented some of my first experiences. Even then, I was perplexed by the question you ask- as I found smoking mildly disgusting, and yet had this odd desire to do it.
I think for me- what makes me do it again and again is partially driven by my sex response to smoking. I definitely do not have some driving physical need to smoke due to nicotine. In some ways, I feel like every time I smoke it is a new "experiment"- I'm still curious, otherwise I think I would have given up trying. I mean, I'm not sure if I am unique in this- but no two cigarettes have given me the same experience. So in many ways- I'm curious about what the next cigarette will bring.
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