[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by mick
on March 25, 2009, 3:40 pm, in reply to "Moderator's Comment"
Thanks V, I can always count on you to tweak my 'track'!!! lol.
Something I neglected to include, and this is significant - is that my smoking is directly connected to what I perceived in women and tied to my thoughts related to the whole good girl/bad girl idea that seems to be prevalent within the smoking fetish community.
I always had been searching for a way to connect (there is a whole story behind this - I will try to write it if anyone is interested) with women, especially sweet and seemingly innocent women.
Somehow there is a direct connection.
I think it has to do with the fact that one of the first women I was attracted to as kid (teenager) was adorable and innocent - yet she discreetly smoked!!!
When I discovered she smoked it was like turning a page for me. It was an access to her, however unreal, and everything changed inside me.
I had to try it myself.
It was a way I could (in fantasy) connect with her.
In my so-called real life I had no chance at all...
We make these unusual erotic connections and use whatever we can or whatever is there to bridge a perceived 'gap' within us.
I think in a way you could think of my smoking as a 'splice', or possibly a way of me creating a mental/fantastic (fantasy) link.
If it had not been for this first attraction to this cute girl way back when I was 13 or 14, would I have ever smoked?
I know some of us think we are predisposed to smoke, and that there is something genetic that has some of us be much more likely (inevitable even) to smoke.
Hmmm, I wonder.
And, I wonder how my life would have otherwise unfolded had I not somehow scrunched the desire to 'connect' with this cutie --> and the fact that she smoked... dunno.
Wow, lots of ideas and thought here, huh?
Hope that helps connect my initial thread to the parameters of the board!
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