[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by mick
on February 7, 2009, 3:18 am, in reply to "Re: Darker Desires / "The Politics of Self-Acceptance""
So, sorry I haven't written (finished it really) the follow up tell all story in case anyone is/was waiting for it... I will get to it!
Listen, here are my current thoughts:
Why can't I seem to be be able to really get into any so-called "normal" sex?
Sure, I love to orgasm.
Sure, I love when my wife "takes care of me" however she does...
I mean, I am not for a second anti-sex or anything like that.
It is just that none of that stuff even comes close to doing for me the way my fantasies involving women smoking do.
I don't get it.
I mean, I have embraced it within myself - of course - and just like Richard, it took me years of uncomfortable struggle.
I too came of sexuality in an era pre-Internet and pre-smoking fetish as we now know it. It was just weird for me then as I had no 'context' from which to see it. I thought I was the only one and I thought I was screwed up.
ANYHOW, what I am getting at is that the fetish seems to have a desire to engulf all.
It is like this monster that gobbles everything else and leaves me with nothing but itself.
An insatiable Pacman, if you will!
And an extremely possessive lover indeed!!!
I just want to be able to expand my pallet.
I want to be able to watch a video of a woman performing with a man without smoking being involved and be able to get into it.
I wold love to be able to get excited about trying new stuff with my wife like a NORMAL man might... really, any sexual growth and exploration is dead-in-the-water.I mean, what is up with that?
Is it that I have just given up?
Or am I just so distracted by my smoking fetish desires?
Possibly if I curtailed giving into my smoking fetish self-stimulation, I might have room for something else? Anyone have anything they can share regarding these thoughts???
My other than smoking sex drive is killed off by my possessive smoking fetish whore that rules my sexuality - the b@#ch (sorry to be crass, if I offend, but that really is the truth!)
For real, what gives?
I know a lot of people come through this place and because I am either not a 'regular' or maybe because you expect V. to deal with me, you don't comment.
I want to hear from any of you that can share some wisdom or thoughts on this matter.
Is it possible to have even something similar to a normal healthy sex life concurrent with having a smoking fetish?
Or am I doomed to one lover --- my fetish b#@ch? Mick.
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