[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by M G F on July 26, 2008, 4:23 pm
A good friend Marcus and I have known since graduate school is visiting for the weekend and she and I went out for drinks and to generally catch up last night. In the course of the evening, she mentioned that she was trying to quit smoking and having a very hard time with it. Some of her comments struck me as interesting and I thought they might interest some in this community. I should describe my friend a little before going further. Like me, she is 38 years old. Unlike me, she started smoking in her mid teens. In college, she was a moderately heavy smoker, averaging 1 to 1 1/2 packs a day. After completing her degree and entering the work force her consumption leveled out at around a pack a day. Like me, she is single; but unlike me, she is not in a committed relationship. Both of us have masters degrees in nursing, but where I went into practice, she went into health education, working with the public service and outreach arm of a college public health degree program.
I was surprised when she mentioned that she was trying to quit smoking. Part of my surprise was because for as long as I have known her, she has had one of the most defiant attitudes about being a smoker. (She once said that if she was diagnosed with emphysema she would begin chain smoking and take up running just to piss off the people who said "I told you so" and get it over with as quickly as possible.) Part of my surprise was because I couldn't see any indication that she was limiting her consumption.
I asked her why she had decided to quit, if she had experienced any health problems, or if she had just decided it was time. I'll paraphrase her reply to the best of my ability: "No, I'm fine. It just seems like I should. I'm pushing 40 and have been smoking for more than 20 years. Except for you and Marcus and a few others, most of my friends have quit, so I sort of feel like I should"
I asked her what kind of difficulty she was having and why she thought she was having a hard time. "Part of it's physical. The first couple of days after I stop, I'm a roaring bi*ch, my head pounds, I get waves of nausea, and I'm on edge all the time. Once I get through that, I'm miserable because I'm forcing myself to not do something I not only enjoy, but that has been part of my life since I was 16. I never realized how much smoking was part of every single aspect of my life until I tried to quit."
We talked briefly about how both of us, when looking for a place to eat think first of whether a restaurant has outdoor seating so we can smoke, and second what kind of food it serves. I asked if she thought counseling or medication would help. "I really doubt it. The biggest problem is that I don't want to quit. I still enjoy smoking. Part of me feels like, if I quit, I'm admitting defeat or something." I was intrigued and asked her what she meant. "You know, it's like I'm finally admitting that its bad for me or something. I mean, I had to force myself to keep smoking after I first tried it. It's like I'm finally giving in to the anti-smokers I love to piss off and the surgeon general. If I quit smoking, I'll probably dread going to the doctor and hearing him congratulate me and praise my decision as much as I dread going to him and hearing the usual litany of reasons I should quit." I laughed and observed that even though quitting would undoubtedly be the best thing for her health, she'd probably feel better about herself if she stopped trying and waited until she felt like she was ready.
The rest of the conversation dealt with other matters and it was a very enjoyable evening. I was struck by her feeling like she was under peer pressure and her feeling like she would be admitting defeat if she quit. More than 20 years ago, she started smoking, in part, because it was a social activity. More than 20 years ago she defeated her body's defenses against inhaling cigarette smoke and, to use a phrase I first heard from her, "Beat her lungs into submission." Now, she's feeling like she should quit smoking because most of her friends have quit and as if she would be admitting some sort of defeat.
I'm going to have to ponder all of it a little more, but I'm curious what others in this community think.
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