[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by Casey on May 21, 2008, 2:28 am, in reply to "Re: A-B-C asey..."
Two things about what you said really struck a chord with me.
"Now I don't know about you, but in my mind, even though I am excited by women smoking and totally get off on the whole idea of the 'bad' and 'wrong-ness', I am not for one second going to try to say that it makes sense.
It is not rational or logical at all.
In fact when you come down to it, a strong argument could be made that my little smoking obsession is not healthy, wholesome, or pure. "
"Really the only thing that no one knows about is my smoking thing."
I don't think I could express my reasons for my fetish any better than I already did here: http://members.boardhost.com/sublimedesire/msg/1210196428.html
So I guess I feel it does make sense. Primal sense, not logical or reasonable perhaps, but sense nonetheless. Finding smoking attractive may not be universal but the basic instincts that structure that attraction are.
I was and still am very apprehensive of the health risks. I used to hate my fetish and tried to make it go away by simply not thinking about it or indulging it for a few periods. This did not work and I eventually gave up. Once I was able to talk about my fetish I almost felt silly about how ashamed I'd been. Some people think I'm a bit odd, but nobody who knows has ever said anything really negative.
Maybe it's not entirely wholesome, but I certainly don't feel dirty about it like I used it. It makes me happy to smoke and be admired and to admire someone smoking. I know it's unhealthy and don't indulge too often but I have a motto, "Everything in moderation, including moderation". I generally smoke at a party or to show off for a lover or some other occasion and then simply don't smoke for at least a month or two because I am afraid of letting myself get addicted.
I feel like I can incorporate a little bit of indulgent smoking into a fairly healthy lifestyle. I think the pleasure it brings outweighs the harm... so long as I don't do it very often. There is that tension of not wanting to loose control entirely but also not having to worry about feeling guilty for indulging a bit, but I rather enjoy even that now strangely enough.
The problem though is that having gotten so comfortable with my fetish and enjoyed dating and having sex with other smoking fetishists... I'm not sure I could do what you do. Not even just being with someone who will never smoke... but I find the idea of being with someone who wouldn't find me smoking sexy to be... disappointing. I think I probably could make do for someone truly special, but it would definitely be an obstacle and as I said, I'm not sure... Oh and the health risks do bother me enough that I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who smokes regularly. That would put me in a very awkward position of wanting to encourage them not to smoke nearly as much, but still finding it attractive anyway.
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