[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by Hey Now
on May 20, 2008, 11:26 pm, in reply to "Re: A-B-C..."
Well Casey,
I am going to be honest here...
My wife is far from vanilla or plain - she is an artist, a creative and successful one at that, listens to great music, is politically forward thinking, a progressives progressive.
She also is exceptionally smart, has a Masters in Fine Art (her parents are highly educated too)--- and you know what?
She married a freak like me
...
I mean, she is a lot of fun (if a bit on the serious side much of the time).
She works hard at the things she is committed to - oh yeah, the things she is committed to:
health,
fitness,
eating a mostly green diet rich in whole foods,
organic meat when she eats meat,
she drinks nothing but water
(except for the occasional wine),
doesn't get high,
she exercises regularly at the gym.
Basically she has upstanding values and principles that make sense.
Key word here ---> make sense.
Now I don't know about you, but in my mind, even though I am excited by women smoking and totally get off on the whole idea of the 'bad' and 'wrong-ness', I am not for one second going to try to say that it makes sense.
It is not rational or logical at all.
In fact when you come down to it, a strong argument could be made that my little smoking obsession is not healthy, wholesome, or pure.
Most likely is is the product of things being screwed up for me as a kid and my longing to establish a sexual identity, coupled with influences of the media (this was the 70's, smoking images and ads were rampant all across the media spectrum!)and smoking females that were around me at the time - my mothers bowling friends, girls in my class at school that smoked...
Basically in the 70's MANY people smoked freely and everywhere.
I easily noticed, and on some level, responded.
My wife did not.
While my parents did not do much in the way of teaching me what was good/bad, right/ wrong, preferable/discouraged...
Her parents spent the time to instill in her a strong relationship to health and well being.
I might be rambling here and going on, but the point I am (I think) making is that even though we are well matched personally and even though we hugely love each other, there are aspects of our bottom lines that do not jibe.
Now I am not going to say this isdefinitivelythe case, cause of course you never really know, but NOTHING she has ever done or said has even in the smallest degree given me cause to think she would be open to accepting or welcoming smoking - in any way - into our relationship.
In fact, I have many reasons, some of which I have just given, to think I better just keep my little fantasy to myself.
Hell, I am willing to bet we all have things that are private from our spouses.
Tell me we don't keep things as "my space - my kick - I keep it to myself".
...Things our significant other would not understand or be able to relate to, or would possibly be shocked by.
My thoughts... and, no, you were not prying, bro.
The bottom line is that all of my sexual life has been lived in a twofold way --> The me I put out there for any and all to see and dig, and the me that is for me.
Really the only thing that no one knows about is my smoking thing.
I have enjoyed sex with many women in my life, smokers and non-smokers.
The thing is though I have never been able to consummate my smoking fetish within a sexual interaction.
That is just the way it is.
I have accepted that as my cross to bear.
Is my life perfect? Hell no.
Am I miserable? Far from it!
Could things be different? Sure, but you know what?
Neither do i.
Vesperae,
I am sure you have MANY thoughts on my situation and are dying to PROBE it, aren't cha?
Hey Now!
Responses: