[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by M G F on May 1, 2008, 1:07 pm, in reply to "Re: Identity"
I am sorry i never replied to Ross' earlier "Identity" reply. I have pasted it below and inserted my replies. M G F
I'm 29 and have always been very health conscious, very fit (I've run a marathon) and a militant anti-smoker. Despite this (or perhaps precisely because of this ) I have always had a fascination with smoking.
I am not surprised that as a very health conscious person you have always had a fascination with smoking. Smoking has such a profound effect on one's health, I would be surprised if you didn't. I agree with others that many if not most anti-smokers have a dark side fetish for smoking and a latent desire to know what it is like to be a smoker.
Over the last few years I have found myself having more and more frequent (private) smoking binges. Nothing in particular prompted me to then make the jump to being a regular, daily smoker, it just seems a natural and logical progression for me. I am still a very light smoker but for the last 2 weeks I have been smoking at least 3 cigarettes a day and find myself looking to smoke more and more often every day.
Have you considered that your gradually increasing consumption may be the natural progression of a deepening physical addiction to nicotine and behavioral addiction to smoking?
I think there is a difference between what I find attractive in other people smoking, and what I find appealing about my own smoking.
That makes sense, but I also think they are related and will become more closely tied as you continue to smoke, particularly if you ever "come out."
I believe my attraction to women who smoke has much to do with the paradox, enigma and contradiction inherent in a woman who is at once both a smoker and sexually attractive.
When I see a beautiful women smoking there are so many apparent contradictions. How can women smoke when they know the damage it is doing to their bodies ?
We can smoke because enjoy it and accept, nay, embrace! the Risk.
How can a woman who smokes seem so healthy, so happy and so sexy? This paradox is particularly strong in women who are athletic and smoke. How can a woman who is smoking and continuously damaging her body have such a lithe , toned and attractive physique?
You have to understand that smoking is only one, albeit a very significant part, of many elements defining a woman's health. I am a smoker and have been since before I was a teenager. I am also in pretty good shape because smoking isn't the only thing I do.
I have heard it said that women are attracted to that which they cannot understand, perhaps the same applies to men. It's as if my mind jars when I see a woman smoking and cannot reconcile all the paradoxes, finding the women fascinating and attractive as a result.
I think all of us are attracted to what we can't understand. It's called curiosity and has nothing to do with one's sex. I have a good friend who is a dedicated smoker. She also runs 5 - 10 miles almost every day. She smokes because she enjoys it. She runs because she enjoys it. It is a simple equation to a smoker, but not easily grasped by non-smokers who don't understand that while smoking informs every aspect of a smokers life, it doesn't necessarily define every aspect.
My relationship with my own smoking is based on different foundations I believe. So many beautiful women smoke and I find it gratifying to adopt their habit against my own will, despite the fact that I am strongly anti-smoking and used to find the smell of cigarette smoke repellant. There is probably a strong submissive element to this.
Possibly. I think that you might find it more gratifying to share the habit with them openly.
I do not find the negative health effects of my own smoking erotic in themselves, but find them very, very erotic when considered within this submissive context.
Again, I think that you might find it more gratifying to share the habit with them openly.
It is interesting to note that, like me, your smoking does not form part of a wider pattern of self-destructive behaviour. I wonder if you derive any particular pleasure or sublime gratification from the inherent paradox / perversity in trying to keep fit by playing racquetball despite being a heavy smoker ? Does the fact that smoking is your only bad habit in an otherwise healthy life make your relationship with ciagrettes all the more fascinating for you?
I started playing racquetball not so much to keep fit, certainly not to improve my aerobic health, that's a pretty hopeless endeavor. I started playing because as I approached age 38 I was beginning to loose some muscle tone in my legs and didn't like it, being vain and proud of their long shapely appearance. I do take some pleasure in the fact that despite having been a relatively heavy smoker for all of my adult life I am able to play a competitive game of racquetball; but I am under absolutely no illusion that my stamina is anywhere near as good as it should be. I doubt that smoking is my only significant bad habit in an otherwise healthy lifestyle really plays into the pleasure I derive from it. I don't enjoy smoking any more or less now than I did at times in my life when I was engaging in activities that were potentially far more destructive.
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