Posted by Alicia on August 5, 2007, 7:46 pm

Please forgive me if this is at all off-topic, it's my first post here. One of the 'needful addiction' facets of the Darkside I particularly enjoy are the futile attempts to quit. Almost as much as I love seeing a veteran smoker cough and wheeze as visible signs of their need. After several years smoking has not become a 'habit' as many describe, merely a natural function as normal as eating, sleeping, breathing. Many smokers don't even consciously think about having to smoke, their body tells them when it's time for some nicotine and they happily oblige. Therefore when someone, especially a woman at the "turning point" mid-20s and early 30s makes a conscious decision to quit it's really very exciting to see what happens when they fail. I've watched several women at work (I work as an orderly at a hospital) start quits and begin again without even realising it. One woman in particular spent all morning telling me about how happy she was to be quitting and how good she felt about it. I just nodded and offered some small words of encouragement. When I went out for a smoke break later that afternoon she followed me, naturally put that familiar paper to her lips and lit up. I asked her why she was smoking. After a long (relieved) puff, she just laughed and said "Oh.. I guess I am!". Of course her quit didn't work. I spoke with her a little bit about it and she had assumed that things would just go on as normal but she'd be healthier. She didn't realise that she wouldn't get her special little treats, the brief moments where she got to lift herself up with a wonderful ciggie. The thought of this woman alone stirs excitement within me, as I think about how many other men and women who are 'quit' every day find themselves inexplicably with the taste of ash upon their lips and one of their pleasuresticks in hand, smouldering away. How did that get there? I don't remember buying cigarettes.. I don't remember lighting up, don't recall taking that first puff. As easily as one might forget what they had for breakfast they've already forgotten the half dozen yummy ciggies they had with their morning coffee. For many, it's simply become a normal bodily function and occurs without thinking. Calorie intake, water intake, nicotine intake.. happy body. I think a lot of smokers who try to quit and can't just don't associate "I'm quitting" with the fact that they will never get to feel the rush of nicotine again. They only see the positive effects, and this is why they start.. they think they'll feel healthier and happier, but soon realise they're miserable without their precious, precious cigarettes. I'm curious if any other DSers are particularly interested in this facet, the "I just can't quit no matter what I do.." girls, the helplessness of them to control their addiction. The subtle realisation that smoking has become a dependency not necessarily out of physiological pain or conscious psychological urges that have to be given into or suppressed. Smoking as a bodily function is sad in a way, as I imagine many who live this way don't get to enjoy and savour each inhale and what it's doing to their body. Yet such a lifestyle is not without its perks, if only to the Darkside observer. When these women try to quit, often the idea does not even occur to them that they've become so dependent on cigarettes. Only after trying do they realise how hungry, how thirsty their lungs are for smoke. How many simply embrace it? How many try to quit every year? How many try to quit every few months and find that inexplicable moment where they are reclining on the couch, perhaps reading a book, on their tenth cig of the day before they realise "oh.. I've been smoking again.." The utter powerlessness to stop.. I find this an incredible turn-on in both men and women. I believe it definitely plays into the S&M undertones of smoking itself - the smoker is submissive, the cigarettes are dominant. The "constant quitter" is in many ways a parallel to the rebellious submissive. She tries to get away. She struggles against her bonds even as she enjoys them, wears herself out trying to break free of that which restrains her, but eventually stops and gives in. She'll struggle and fight all her life, but she'll never leave those shackles. She'll try to quit dozens of times, but invariably when she wakes up she finds a cigarette in between her lips. Invariably when she goes for a night out with the girls there will be a pack stashed away in her chic jeans without a second thought. I'm very curious to hear if anyone has had experiences, either personally or through friends/acquaintances of helpless men or women submitting to the control cigarettes have over them, time and time again. If so please share them! Assuming this is topical I'll post some more of my personal experiences later.