[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by Marcus & M G F on July 24, 2007, 2:35 pm, in reply to "Attraction to Death" The attraction and fascination for most, if not all in this community is not with death, but with the Risk one takes and embraces when one smokes. For the smoker, it begins when he/she first decides to try smoking. He she KNOWS that smoking is harmful, that it destroys; and with the first lungful of smoke he/she really knows that his/her body doesn't want it. The latent smoker also knows that smoking is taboo, that many people will view him/her differently, perhaps with contempt and disdain for even attempting to smoke, let along becoming a smoker. With all that in the background, the person tries it, suffers the consequences, and tries it again, and again, until his/her body has been forced to accept the toxic smoke and eventually demands it. Will he/she eventually suffer the consequences? Only time will tell. THAT is the risk. That mystery is the attraction. Over time, as the smoker slowly ruins his/her lungs, there will be little reminders of the consequences - being shorter winded than non-smokers, a morning cough, lingering colds, etc. - these are things the smoker has caused and knows that he/she has caused, but what the end result will be cannot be known. The risk that the smoker is taking and the knowledge that he/she is taking it, along with quietly telling the rest of the world "I refuse to conform! I WILL take the Risk!" is the tantalizing attraction. For non-smokers who are attracted to others smoking it is much the same. You know that the smoker is taking that Risk, that she is willing to walk that edge and dance on the precipice. What lies beneath that surface? What else is she willing to do? What other risks would or does she take? What complex personality drives her and motivates her? For some, smokers and non-smokers alike, there is an attraction to knowing that some pretty dark things are happening in the smokers body, happening by her own hand. The fact that your parents smoked and died because of it probably doesn’t factor into your attraction except to perhaps heighten your awareness of the very real Risk smokers take. The grief that you feel from loosing your parents probably goes well beyond your dislike of their smoking. John, be well and continue to explore, enjoy the journey, and embrace yourself as you are.
We're combining our responses into one reply to simplify things.
John, All the best to you as you work through your feelings. Keep in mind that all of life is a journey of discovery, and that it isn't always the answer that satisfies, but the quest for it.
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