[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by vesperae I agree with M G F that it is very significant to keep in mind that it is virtually impossible to fully understand the psychological complexities of being a smoker unless you are one yourself. I also agree that it is very likely that your GF’s behavior towards you and her comments about smoking to you are strongly influenced by the fact that you are a “sporty” non-smoker, and are also her BF. I also think that, while perhaps not the most erotic thing for you to reflect on, it is also important to keep in mind that your GF is an intelligent adult, and continuing to smoke has to be her own decision. No amount of influence or enabling of her smoking by you will change this simple fact. Your influence may, however, work with her addiction to prolong her smoking to the point that something really, really bad happens. My opinion, for whatever it may be worth to you, is that the long-term personal live action AS PSA that you are playing out in your head with your GF as the Star of the Show, could ultimately result in a devastating blow to your well-being, if you continue to keep at least the most basic nature of your SF hidden from her. You could continue to keep your attraction to her smoking hidden, and might even succeed in hiding it from her, but if she does come to serious harm, there might be a strong possibility that the guilt you would be inclined to fee could be overwhelming. But I do think that there is a way that you could still continue to enjoy your Dark Fantasies, but also help to eliminate most, if not all, of the potential guilt over whatever influence your actions might have on her. If you were to simply acknowledge that you have a SF, and that one of the things that you find so sexy about her is that she is a smoker, I think that you would not only alleviate the potential for guilt, but you would also likely introduce some new “psychological sex toys” to your relationship that could be very gratifying for you both. But you would also be doing something else. You would be giving her all of the information she needs to fully understand all of the implications of her smoking, which means that she could then make a fully-informed decision about her actions. And when I suggest telling her about your SF, I think that there is no good reason to get into the nitty-gritty details of the DS stuff, but I think that any smoker will understand how someone could be turned on by the Risk / Danger aspect. I certainly wouldn’t tell her about your “demise” fantasies, since that would obviously be too threatening to both of you. What I’m getting at is that I believe that you have an opportunity to increase your level of intimacy and trust with your partner, and still maintain a certain level of privacy with respect to your Darkest Fantasies. She knows the Risks of smoking, so she has undoubtedly envisioned some pretty Dark possibilities for herself that she would probably rather keep completely private as well. It works both ways, and even in the best committed relationships, some things are probably best left unshared. The trick is, perhaps, knowing when something has a significant enough impact on the future of the relationship that it would be emotionally disastrous not to share it. The catch here might be what I interpret as your desire to remain at a certain distance from the AS PSA Star of the Show, because you can’t enjoy thinking about her COMEUPENCE if you don’t maintain a certain level of distain for the foolishness of her choice to smoke. I think that thinking about this brings out the Sadist in you, which puts you in a position of power in your view of your relationship, and which you fear you might somehow lose if you told her directly that her smoking turns you on. While I’m obviously concerned about you, your GF, and your future happiness and well-being, I hope that you realize that my comments aren’t intended to express judgment of you or your situation. I’m just giving you my honest reaction, again, for whatever it may be worth to you… * * * * *vesperae
on March 25, 2007, 7:21 pm, in reply to "Denial vs knowing risk. And my choice is?"
Hi Pete, 
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