[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by Pete on March 25, 2007, 2:31 am, in reply to "Re: So much more fun to be the 'Villain' of the piece." Thanks for the reply. The denial, acceptance of risk etc etc are themes that are worthy of much more discussion here. I see what you are asking now. Let me take it in parts. Firstly I don’t think she takes any particular sense of enjoyment from the potential risk. I’m pretty sure if you could give her a pass that would unquestionably guarantee no ill effects from her smoking until her dying day I’m pretty sure she would continue to enjoy her smoking just as much as she does now even with that risk completely nullified. Her main enjoyment I’m sure comes from the sensation of smoking, even the aesthetic maybe to some degree. An extension of this is that while obviously aware of the dangers I’m sure like many, many smokers that she believes she really does have a pass card. That somehow despite all the dangers and risks and everything we know about smoking it WONT be her, thus if you sincerely believe that then you’re not risking anything at all. Does that make any sense? Even with the ‘little’ warning signs of a smokers cough, a little breathlessness. Very ‘REAL’ signs of what is happening. But in her mind that’s as bad as it will get and it’s not too bad, not really and then of course there is always time to quit, time to put things right. Always that ‘get out clause’ just round the corner and of course with a ‘get out clause’ well there is no risk at all. Everything will be alright. Of course it will. Why shouldn’t it? I actually feel and this is something I’ve grown discover in myself over the years on the boards is that I am actually drawn to that denial much more than if she was to acknowledge the risk much more openly. There is almost an arrogance in her smoking that she can smoke and yet in her mind somehow it will always be somebody else. That it couldn’t possibly be her. Then to imagine the rug suddenly pulled out from such a woman, well to me that ‘COMEUPENCE’ is thrilling. As I said before that is always a recurring theme in my fiction. The protagonist is nearly always a woman who quite simply really believes it wont and couldn’t be her and I think a lot of that is actually drawn from my real life situation. Here on the boards as I said before many are much more in tune with the risk element than in the general population. In the darkside community we are so much more aware of the dangers, risk and consequences of smoking by our very nature. We analyze and mull over these details to a much higher level than the general smoking population. Many, many smokers really don’t believe it will be them, they are convinced that despite all the evidence it just doesn’t apply to them. They are ‘special’. For there to be a risk element you really have to believe in some part that yes you could really lose. I just feel that with many smokers and I include my girlfriend in this is that they just don’t believe they can lose thus if you cant lose there is no risk at all. I think over our exchanges I have described a little of my girlfriends character and the type of woman she is. She is classically attractive, a little vain, confident and for me there is something chillingly erotic in imaging the walls crashing down on her and all through something she chose to do (well chose in the beginning anyway, now of course addiction plays it’s part), a woman with I would say a lot to live for and to risk all that for something as trivial as smoking. To put everything on the line for the contents of that little red and white box, but then as I said before she’s not put anything on the line because for her the rules of the game surely don’t apply. Smoking is a chink in her armor but it’s chink she cant see, not really and I love that. I love that theme. There is a cruel part of me that revels in her destruction and that’s probably the sado masochist element that you refer to. I don’t deny my cruel thoughts. Part of me wants to be at the table when she finally loses the gamble. To watch her lose her beauty, her health, all she holds dear. To watch her go from simply worrying over her hair or the cut of her skirt to worrying about where her next breath will come from and if it will be her last. These are dark thoughts. No question. Why do I find these dark thought so erotic? Why do I fantasize about seeing her beauty, her life undermined in such a cruel manner? Well that is a much harder question to answer. But I don’t deny I do enjoy these thoughts and that’s my dark side. Pete
Hello again,
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