[ Post a Response | The Sublime Desire of Cigarette Smoking ]
Posted by M G F (+v) on August 6, 2006, 4:40 pm, in reply to "Re: *Welcome*! (Parts 1 & 2)" And a general comment to everyone - don't worry about the time period between replies; it is easier to follow a given discussion for a new reader if we keep our "back and forth" in the same thread, as opposed to having to look for continuations in new threads. Thank you! Given your early body awareness and desire to fully experience smoking, were you also eager to explore your sexuality? And did you ever include smoking in your early sexual experimentation? And when did you begin to find smoking to be a sexual turn on? ** I was eager to explore my sexuality at a fairly early age and looking back, I can see that smoking was part of it. I was acutely aware of my body's physical development and that I was maturing more rapidly than most of my peers. I was a smoker. I was discovering sensual pleasures of the flesh. I was becoming a woman. At first, my sexual exploration was, like my smoking, a hidden pleasure. I became sexually active around the same time I "came out" as a smoker and smoking was definitely part of the early experimentation. At first, it was an integral part of some very heavy petting. The natural progression of people discovering each others bodies and how they can interact being what it is, smoking and sex quickly followed. The first boy I "took" only thought he knew what he was getting into when he unsnapped my bra. He wasn't my first sexual encounter, but he was the first time I decided I was in control. I vividly remember the look on his face when he saw me light up, fill my lungs with smoke, and throw my leg over him. To give him credit, he more than rose to the occasion when he realized I was very serious. ** To this day, I take a certain amount of pleasure in the irony of my body maturing and my awareness of it being wrapped up in my deliberately retarding my lungs development. While I was growing breasts and certain parts of my body were becoming very sensitive, I was doing so with the underdeveloped lungs of a younger girl. Regarding Marlboro Reds (from Part 1)... Interesting. It sounds like you saw them as being the ultimate in "Bad" for a young girl - if you could get the hang of smoking these, then there could be no doubt in your mind or anyone else's that you were a "real" smoker? ** Probably something like that. I've always been an all or nothing kind of person. "Interestingly, there is some indication that the risk is notably higher for women who start smoking in their twenties when their bodies are undergoing the final stages of maturation." Interesting! I'd love to hear more about this! ** I am not as familiar with the research as I would like to be. My understanding is that the hormonal and physical condition of a woman in her twenties that make her "ripe" for bearing children closely mimic her developmental condition when she is in her mid teens. As a consequence, the effect of smoking on her body is much the same. There seems to be a period roughly between seventeen and twenty one when she is more physically stable, or, put another way, when her body sort of takes a developmental break before gearing up for reproduction. There are ongoing studies to determine if this has always been the case or if it is a relatively recent development. I suspect the latter, given the short life span of our ancestors and the need to reproduce at what we would today regard as a very young age. Regarding smoking at the hospital... ** I remember being out with several of my colleagues once after a particularly harsh day. All of us were still in our hospital garb, all of us were smoking, and all of us had more than a couple of drinks behind us. An obnoxious drunk decided to complain about the toxic cloud we were producing and commented that he had to question the competence of a nurse who smokes. Shortly before the bartender removed him, I observed that he should hope that he didn't choke on his own self righteousness since none of us were competent to perform the Heimlich maneuver. ** Among my smoking colleagues, most simply accept it as part of who they are. Being health care professionals, acutely aware of the Risk they are taking, acutely aware of how deep seated their addiction is, does not make them immune to enjoying their dirty little vice, although many non smokers seem to think it should. I don't really have a good sense of how many of them enjoy the dark aspect of what they are doing, but I suspect that many do on a subconscious level. I personally enjoy it a great deal. A tiny part of it is the shock value. It is kind of fun to see the look on someone's face when they see some pretty young nurse light a cigarette. It is part of the enjoyment I take from the fact that in spite of all the warnings, in spite of knowing in vivid detail what is happening inside my body as I smoke, in spite of having begun to notice some of the effects of my deliberate slow destruction, I continue to consume pack after pack of cigarettes never knowing which deeply inhaled drag will cause the fatal mutation. As with any community, there are those who are very condemning of smokers. In the health care community, though, they have the "You shouldn't smoke because it may lead people, particularly children, to believe that it isn't as harmful as it really is" argument to make. We phrase it in different ways, but my fellow smokers and I simply reply with a firm "F##k off"
Message modified by board administrator August 6, 2006, 4:41 pm
Moderator Comments: I didn't make any change to M G F's reply; I just moved it to the appropriate location in this thread. 
I've responded to your questions/insights from my introductory post. The replies are indicated by a couple of astrix ** I'll write more later, but Marcus and I are still catching up from being out of town.
M G F
What are the thoughts and feelings about smoking among both your smoking and non-smoking co-workers? The obvious contradiction of a health care worker smoking certainly must make for some interesting reactions and conversation!
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