I'm 21 years old and have suffered with paruresis for as long as I can remember. It has a huge effect on my life and I find going out with friends pretty hard because I'm always worrying about when i'm going to need to use the bathroom. When I need to go and i'm not at home I find it almost impossible. I try to go and as much as I want to and as much as I tell myself I have nothing to worry about I just cant. I also worry that people notice how long i'm taking in the toilet and how often I am going and it just makes it harder. I give up after a while and try again after a little while but more often than not, still cant go. I end up really uncomfortable because i'm so desperate to go. Many times i've had to leave and go home because i'm in so much pain and discomfort from it. It's the same if i'm at a friends house or just anywhere where I know there are people around. I avoid drinking anything to avoid using the toilet. I find that turning on the tap can sometimes help but this isn't always possible. I've tried talking to my family about it but nobody really understands so I find it difficult.
I always thought I was alone and never knew what it was until recently when I decided to type it into google. It's really comforting to know there are people who know what i'm going through.
Anyway I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. A few months back I was supposed to be starting a new job but I had to have a drugs test first. I went for the test but as always I was unable to pee. I drank so much water in the 3 hours I stayed there and my bladder was really full but it just wouldn't come out. I tried running the tap and even tried listening to music through earphones but still I was unable to go. I was so embarrassed when I came out of the toilet multiple times and had to tell them I couldn't go.
The job is still available to me and all I need to do is have the drug test. I really need this job but I'm so afraid that it will be a repeat of the last time.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you for reading.