Like you, my family don't know about my paruresis. They have noticed however (and my sons joke a bit!) that I am extremely frequent pee-er - I use toilets at every opportunity. I figure if it's a no-go once then it might work better next time. It seems to reduce my anxiety about the whole thing. I do think it means other people are less likely to notice when I go and how long I'm taking. I'm also generally careful about when I go. I tend to avoid the times other people use the bathroom in order to avoid someone waiting outside the door - I get up in the middle of TV programmes (when other people are distracted and there is background noise), wait until everyone else is busy doing something else, or have gone to bed.
I find that the sound of running water helps me a great deal - I keep a small bottle of water in my handbag (I trickle it into the toilet bowl) in case the taps aren't within reach or there are no taps in the room.
The other thing which occurred to me from your post was that you could think about catheterising anyway, not just as a last resort. It might reduce your anxiety about the whole thing and enable you to enjoy it more, which in turn might make you less anxious next time.
I hope that helps - do let us know how you get on. I'm off to stay with my family tomorrow too so shall have my bottle of water at the ready!
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