Posted by Eddie O' Dwyer |
- Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Simon on 28/10/2009, 8:13 pm, in reply to "Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hi Eddie,
No you're not alone. I think for a lot of us that belief added a great deal to the stress of it all, until we found out otherwise. I'm sure there are plenty still as I type this who live in their isolated world convinced that they are indeed alone, on so many levels.. How would it be for example if the majority shared this problem?. It's the conviction that we are 'odd' that compounds it all.
Whatever I think, whatever I do to deal with this, & I'm at a very fed up stage, I do know it's all about what I think. The old neurons are laid down pretty firmly after all this time. That's it in a nutshell. I can either reinforce or undo. I think Andrew will tell us it's called cognitive therapy & I suspect ultimately it's the only answer. - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by alex on 28/10/2009, 8:22 pm, in reply to "Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
best bet is workshop
- Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Eddie O' Dwyer on 28/10/2009, 9:28 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Thanks you, Alex, Simon I need all the positives I can get
Eddie - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Walt on 29/10/2009, 12:27 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hey Eddie
Well I will just give my reply to this thread. There are already a lot of people on this site who are very supportive and helpful. I will just hopefully give you some comfort in my reply.
Someone in another thread spoke about using different excuses to cover different thoughts that go through your head and having an excuse for each thought. So for example if someone is rushing you, maybe you could say you have kidney stones or something like that. There is defiantly a reverse psychology and physical state that can take the paruresis away, it is just being at that particular point every time you need to go (impossible).
If it was possible to simply put yourself into a frame of mind, or think certain thoughts and all of a sudden you start to pee, then things would be easy. I find the problem with peeing is it is a constant and ongoing problem. It's not like taking an exam; you study, take the exam, pass/fail and then hopefully never have to do it again. When I think about peeing, I think of it almost like a test, and do I really want to take that test over and over? No, so I retreat to a cubical and am lazy, sitting down or even avoiding the toilets completely.
When in doubt, I just sit on the toilet until it happens. The only trouble with that is if I am at a beer festival, which is where I was this year, and the only toilets are open toilets and a few port loo singles which about 40 people are cued up for including women, then I have no chance. The bushes are an option, but very inconvenient and I’d never do it that publically whilst it is still daylight.. For me the inconvenience makes it even more frustrating, because I know I can’t pee.
- Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Andrew on 30/10/2009, 12:44 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hi Walt
You referred to my giving examples of possible replies. However you called them excuses.
Cognitively it is very improtant to realise and accept that they are NOT excuses: there is nothing to excuse. That toilet is yours for as long as you need it - like a parking place. Its a good place to chill out away form work, kids, whatever.
I repeat: you never have to explain or justify or apologise. Other people are just not interested in your peeing. If they were, it is they who would have a problem!
cheers
Andrew - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Pete L on 29/10/2009, 10:38 am, in reply to "Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hi Eddie
Having had various therapies myself, I can save you the bother and expense of going through any more. Your next, and only step forward is to get yourself on a workshop. I did, and i've stepped forward in more ways that I could have imagined.
I just put a post on Joe's thread with respect to seeing a psychotherapist, my first session being last week. My opinion on therapists is that they can help with the psychological issues in your life and, providing you can form that therapist - patient relationship (trust) they can help wonders. However, the peeing has a physical presence attached to it so, therefore, it is practice you need, gradual practice, which comes with gradual exposure. Where do you get this kind of therapy? At a workshop!
If there is proof that these workshops work, it is written amongst the many threads on this site, it is amongst the people who are able to walk in to a public place without feeling anixious/ as anxious as they used to do when that feeling of needing a pee entered their brain.
I used to have a panic attack if I got the slightest of twinges, now I know it's not htat important. It's just your brain saying ' you've got wee!!'. How you handle those initial thoughts will change once you've been on a workshop.
Hope you can make it to one, it will be the best thing you've ever done. In addition, you'll get to meet some great people!!
Best of look - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Eddie O' on 29/10/2009, 10:55 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Thank you Pete for those very encouraging words,as a direct result of your response I have just emailed ukpt inquiring about the next beginners workshop.
For the first time in over 45 years there might be hope for me
Eddie - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Pete L on 30/10/2009, 10:08 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hi Eddie
That's fantastic news, i'm really pleased. You will not regret it. I must admit, I'm somewhat overwhelmed that my words have encouraged you to enquire about the workshops. Thank you.
If you do go on one, please do let us all know how you get on.
Pete - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Mark L on 31/10/2009, 2:22 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hi Eddie,
I can only reflect on what has already been said. Dont consider a workshop, just do it! If you put it off, you will kick yourself when you do finally go on one. It is amazing how one weekend can change your life forever!
Please keep us updated on any progress or thought you have etc, there are alyaws people here to help.
Mark - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Eddie O' on 31/10/2009, 6:16 pm, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Thanks for your support Mark, I think i'm way past the consideration stage, as of now I will be going to a workshop.
Eddie - Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone
Posted by Pete L on 2/11/2009, 9:01 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis---So I'm not alone"
Hi Eddie
That's great news, you will not regret it! Can't wait to hear how you get on.
Pete